Day Five of Forever

Hello!

So here is an update of how I am fairing on this challenge - five days in.

To give you a clue to the general tone of this post... I feel like a super happy octopus.

Exercise and Meditation

So far this is going swimmingly! Granted I am not doing as intense exercise as I did in my original exercise challenge - but I think my strengthening and stretching routine is exactly what my body needs right now and it fits into half an hour which at the moment is all I can afford. Meditation is going great :) I no longer have to set myself a timer - I generally come to a finish by myself at about twenty five minutes. It's been a little while since I did it this regularly, and I have to say it is a discipline worth doing daily. I really find my mind clearing and strengthening more and more each day, and reaching new levels every time.

Violin Practice and Juggling Practice

So I have been alternating between Juggling and Violin each night (although I did both today!) and I actually think that this way is better than when I was practicing daily. I apply this more to violin than juggling, I could juggle any time and be happy doing it, but with Violin its really nice to just do it every other day - it's a more pleasurable experience. I've been doing between forty five minutes and an hour each time, which is more than I did during the challenge, and I think that's simply because I'm enjoying it more. And because I'm enjoying it more I'm doing better quality practice and therefore improving :) big yay.

Poetry Writing and Reading 

I was hoping to be jotting down some ideas for poems every day. So far I haven't quite managed to do that, so I need to pay a little more attention to that area. Same with reading, I just need to find more opportunities to do it!

Keeping a Journal

This is an interesting one. I like to do this last thing at night, but writing a journal is a pretty private experience that one should take ones time with, and if my boyfriend is staying over I'm less inclined to do it. I thought about it, and I've decided that's ok, as long as I keep it up regularly enough.


Overall, I'm feeling really positive and happy and so in control of my own life! I'm getting so much done (hence why I feel like a super happy octopus) and it's just so great to feel like I'm using my time in a valuable way instead of letting each day slip by.

Tonight, I'm going to have a little writing session and get my poem of the week off its feet! And add that to my list of awesome things I have done this week.

I'll post another update soon, until then, taraar!!

My Final Challenge

Hello folks!

So I started this year of challenges in June and it is now May - so we know what that means! This challenge is my final challenge of the year. So let's make it a goodun. Technically I should have started this on friday - but the last few days have been a bit hectic and I wanted to get off to a good start, so I am starting tomorrow instead!

These are the challenges I have completed (or at least attempted) thus far:

Juggle every day
Give up refined sugar
Exercise every day
Write something creative every day
Meditate every day
Cut down on TV and Facebook every day

Write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days

Give up on gossiping, bitching, moaning and criticizing for thirty day.

Practice violin every day.

Spend only eighty pounds in thirty days

Read every day

Take a photos and keep a diary every day

(Technically that's my One Year Twelve Challenges done, as I did two the first month! But hey, let's stick one last one in there anyway.)

Looking back on everything I've done this year I feel a bit like this:

And now just one more to go! I really want to end the year with something special - go out with a bang.

A lot of these challenges were about creating habits. Some of which have stuck with me (now in my fifth month of not eating sugar!!) and some of which haven't (that pesky violin practice went as quickly as it came). I've learned a lot about myself and what kind of person I want to be through these challenges, and I want to make this last month a sort of mega-challenge. I want to combine some of my favorite challenges together, and try and start creating a routine that includes them all.

So here are the things I really want to include in this challenge:

Exercise
Meditation
Poetry writing
Violin practice
Juggling practice
Reading
Keeping a journal

(I would include not eating sugar in that list, but I've managed to keep that up anyway, so I wouldn't consider it a challenge any more.)

So these are all things that I really want to make a regular part of my lifestyle. If I've learned anything this year it is that I am at my happiest when I am being productive, and so I want to start pushing myself in all these areas. The tricky part has been trying to figure out how to fit it all in!

This challenge happens to be falling in my very last month of Drama School! What a perfect month to end my challenges on, just before I step out into the big wide world. I am hardly in for lectures any more, but I do have a pretty hefty project to be getting on with - my business plan. So even when I am not in for uni, I am pretty much considering my time from 9 - 5 my 'office hours' - where I dedicate my time to business plan, applying for jobs, and projects. So I need to find time for all of this challenge stuff in my mornings and evenings. Here is what I have in mind...

Exercise and Meditation

I know that I am at my best both physically and mentally when I make time for both of these things every day. Since both of these challenges I have kept them both up to a certain extent - but I want to go back to doing them both daily. Time wise, I think it would be reasonable to fit in half an hour of strength training and stretching, and half an hour of meditation every morning. I'd also like to fit in cardio a couple of times a week, perhaps when I can afford to start 'office hours' a little later in the day. Right now I'm avoiding running because I have very sore knees, but there's always zumba!

Poetry Writing, Violin Practice, Juggling and Reading

So essentially, these are my hobbies and skills. If I want to improve in my violin and juggling I need to practice regularly! And if I want to progress with my writing I need to push myself to write and read as often as possible. But what to do? I can't do them all every day. So I've decided to alternate between violin and juggling each night. It'll be the first thing I do when I get home from uni, practice for half an hour. As for writing and reading... well, I always have a book in my bag for whenever I'm in the bus or just have ten minutes to myself. That seems to work pretty well, it's aided me in reading a few more books since my reading challenge in march finished! I also take my poetry book everywhere, but that doesn't necessarily mean I write in it that often. So to aid me in writing a bit more, I just want to spend a few minutes each day, whether on my lunch break or maybe just before going to bed, jotting some ideas down. Then, over the weekend I must turn one of my ideas into a fully formed poem. A poem a week sounds reasonable I think!

Keeping a Journal

I wanted to include this because I want to use it to keep myself going. This is potentially my hardest challenge yet. It's going to be tricky to keep track of everything and keep motivated! But I think if I organise my thoughts every evening, even if its as simple as writing down my tasks for the next day, I think it could be a real help to me.

Some other thoughts...

I'll sort of be going back to my challenge of avoiding TV so that I can fit all this in. I'm definitely cool with that! As I whole I definitely watch less TV now than I did before, and I really don't miss it! That being said, you should always make time for some good films and documentaries, so I'm gonna give myself Friday and Saturday evenings for some good viewing time. I think by restricting myself I will choose what I watch a bit more wisely! And of course, bringing in some more challenges, I would like to continue to monitor my bitching and moaning, and to limit my spending. But I don't think I'm going to set any solid rules on that - just try and keep it in mind every day.

So there we have it! Those are my rules and guidelines for my Ultra-Super-Duper-Awesome-Mega-Challenge (the official title). It's a big one. I'm essentially trying to throw myself into being the busiest and most productive (and therefore, I think, best and happiest) version of myself. I'm trying to see if I could maintain all these habits properly, and build a lifestyle wildly different to the one I started with this time last year. It's a bit scary to be honest, but in a good way!

Now I'm under no illusion that I will manage to keep this up every day. If a trip to the cinema or a dinner with friends stops me from getting everything done, then so be it. This challenge is not about ticking every day off, it's about carving a realistic lifestyle for myself, and that includes random changes of plan! That's why this is probably going to be the hardest challenge for me to keep track of, but I have faith that if I really commit myself I'll do it. Most of all, I just hope that this challenge turns out as well as I want it to, and gives me that 'I'm so happy to be moving forward' buzz I've had from so many of my other challenges. There's a lot riding on this one! I'm excited.

Here is hoping for a fantastic month to end a truly fantastic year.

30 days left....

New Year's Resolution and a New Challenge!

Happy New Year every body!

Of course, New Year is classically a time to be making resolutions, and of course I will be making one. Reflecting back over my challenges, two in particular have made a huge impression on me: Giving Up Sugar and Meditation. Meditation has been something I've managed to keep up fairly well. Especially with the help of Headspace, a meditation website I have found really helpful. Keeping off sugar, however, has been a lot harder. So I've decided to make it my new years resolution. This time I am going to attempt not one month, but a whole year of no added sugar!

The rules are going to be slightly different this time. In June I was really really strict. This time I'm going to be slightly looser on a couple of things. For the sake of saving money, I'm allowing myself stuff like cheaper peanut butter, which has a very small amount of sugar in, rather than forking out for the sugar free stuff. For these kind products I'm going to make sure it's only about a gram of sugar per serving, so it really is minimum. I'm also going to be more lenient when eating out. In June I only ate chips as they were the only thing I could guarantee to be sugar free! This time I am going to allow myself proper meals in restaurants, but I will still avoid things like pizza and burgers, as I know they almost always have added sugar.

The thing I am going to be more strict on is puddings. Last time I made allowances for a very delicious brownie. This time, no matter how special the occasion, (and no matter who has made the brownie!) I am going to resist proper sugary products. I think this is going to be pretty easy except for birthdays and Christmas, but I shall cross that bridge when I come to it!

So that's my New Years Resolution - on day four now and feeling better for it already! Especially after gorging this Christmas!

Now for this months challenge. I've been a bit naughty and not started yet as I was really enjoying my holiday, but I'm going to start it today and just run into February a bit! I haven't done a practicing a skill challenge since the summer, and I really enjoy those, so I've decided that this is the month for practicing my Violin!

I learned how to play the violin when I was younger, but gave it up (which I really regret!) Last year I got a Violin, but I haven't been practicing as much as I should. I think it's because I'm a bit frustrated that I've forgotten so much, so it's not such a pleasure to play at the moment. But the only way I'm going to improve is to practive! It's time to force myself.

So I am going to commit to half an hour of violin practice every day. Hopefully I will see some improvement that way and rediscover my love for the instrument!

Here it goes!

Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

The Hard Work of Happiness

Yesterday I went to bed feeling like utter shite.

I had had a pretty good day really, went out for a lovely meal with a friend and had a great time. Then I came back home and went into a downward spiral of eugh. I flopped like a sack of potatoes and ended up breaking my challenge rules and scrolling on facebook - which didn't help one bit. Before I went to bed I tried to do some writing and just couldn't focus at all. It was the first time I had felt so rubbish in a long time. 

So I thought to myself, why?

Over the last few months I have been learning little tricks to my own well being. Healthy eating, exercise, mediation, using time productively, juggling, keeping my space nice and tidy. Having spent most of the day eating crappy food and procrastinating, and now sitting in my bomb-site of a room, I realised what the problem was. I hadn't ticked anything off my 'Happy Ellie Check-list'. It was the first time in a long while I hadn't done any of it. In fact, I had actively ticked off some of the things on my 'Sad Ellie Check-list' - crappy food, mindless procrastination, messiness, laziness. All of these habits are so easy to slip into but they do me no good! I thought of one of my recent blog posts and realised I needed to give myself some TLC.

So I set my alarm nice and early and got up with an aim to actively improve my mood. I worked out, I stretched, I made myself a really healthy breakfast and packed lunch, I meditated, I tidied my room. Just ten minutes into the work out and I already felt better. Now, having had my lovely lunch, I feel back to normal! 

In a way, I'm glad yesterday happened. It was a gentle reminder that I am in charge of my own well being. Happiness is hard work. It doesn't come easily. You have to chip away at it every day. But when the results are so rewarding, it doesn't feel like hard work any more. It just feels right. Getting up early for a work out doesn't feel like a chore, because I know it will make me feel good for the rest of the day. Meditating is such a part of my routine now that I feel really unfocussed and out of sorts without it. Strangely enough, the days in which I don't put in the effort and just laze around actually feel like much harder work, because trying to be in a good mood without any of my mood boosters in nigh on impossible! Time drags, each moment feels like an effort to live through. And then the procrastination spiral begins: distracting myself from my own bad mood.

I think one of the reasons this happened yesterday is because I had a day off. Usually I have a schedule. Let's say I have uni, I will make sure I set my alarm so that I can get a work out and a mediation session in before I go in. If I don't do it in the morning I won't do it at all, so I make sure I get it done. Yesterday I didn't need to set an alarm, and there was nowhere I needed to be, so those usual morning tasks got pushed back and then forgotten completely. On a day when could have achieved so much with all my spare time, I actually achieved very little. It's funny, I am so much more productive when I have less time on my hands!

So what can I learn from this? For some people, a lazy day in front of the TV with a pizza and a tub of iced cream is exactly what they need once in a while. But I know that that doesn't work for me. I need a bit of a routine, I need a schedule, I need tasks and goals. I like being busy. It makes me feel good. Most of the time Uni keeps me busy but sometimes it doesn't. And then it's up to me. If I want to get that little 'yeah, life is great' feeling then I need to keep myself occupied. Make plans, make my own little schedules, set my own goals. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And my well being and happiness is my responsibility. It's up to me to make it happen. 

So from this point on, I am dedicated to putting in the hard work that is needed to make myself feel good every single day. Because if there's one thing I can draw from this entire challenge experience, it's that happiness is worth the hard work. 

Seven days left till the next adventure. 

Some Self Reflection

So I’ve been meditating for a month now. And of course, that has made me think a lot and reflect on life somewhat. I genuinely think some really positive changes have begun to take place.

No matter what is going on, no matter how stressed or upset or angry or tired I might be, I have found a way to start each day in a good head space. And it makes such a difference. I’ve been timing it well so that I get up, shower and eat and get ready, and then the last thing I do before I leave is meditate. Then I walk out of the door feeling great. Starting your day in a positive way is so important, and I feel like it really influences how I am going to deal with anything that happens that day. I can approach life with a smile, which is exactly how it should be.

Thought it had been a while since I used an adorable cat to make us all get squishy in our feels.

I worry less now, which is amazing. I am such a worrier it’s unbelievable, but I’ve started to let things go a lot easier and just focus on what’s really important. I think it’s because when I come out of a meditation session I feel so good that I can really evaluate my ‘problems’ and see that they are just blips, and that spending time worrying over them does nothing. Most of my worrying involves regret – ‘I should have done more work last night’ or ‘I shouldn’t have said that thing to that person’ – but I am really learning now to forgive myself any of these little hiccups, learn from it and move on. It sounds cheesy, but life really is too short for that stuff.

I have a new habit and I think it might be something to do with meditation. I am very tidy now. Like – everything has its proper place and I make my bed every single day kind of tidy. In the 22 years that I have been alive, this has never happened for more than three days in a row. Now it’s been thirty. Whuuuuut? When I moved back into my Birmingham house, obviously I unpacked everything to its proper place and made the room look nice – didn’t want to get off to a bad start! But usually what would happen is that during the week everything would get moved and not put back, my clothes would litter the floor and my bed would have no attention paid to it whatsoever. Then I discovered that after meditation, when I had worked so hard to clear my head, if I opened my eyes to clutter I would feel like this:

Which is not ideal. So I would immediately tidy it up. I realized that if my space is out of balance, I feel out of balance, and so I dedicate a teeny tiny part of my day, less than a minute, to making my room look tidy each morning. Which is much more efficient than letting it get messy and then spending half a day sorting it.

In fact, I think efficiency is the main thing I have gained from this experience. When I have a problem I don’t waste time worrying about it, I just fix it and move on. And by being willing to fix little problems and do little things every day, rather than letting my responsibilities build, I don’t have that moment when I feel like everything’s on top of me and I’m going to get crushed under the weight of it all. Everything just feels so much simpler and easier now.

Most of all, I have learned the importance of taking time for yourself, every day. We all claim not to have enough time for that, but often that simply isn’t true. The truth is we don’t prioritize ourselves. There are 24 hours in each day, and you probably spend about 16 of them awake. Surely within those 16 hours you can find half an hour for just yourself? I think if you want to be happy you need to treat yourself with the love and kindness you treat others with. And that means making time for just you, and no one else. Just half an hour a day. Since I have discovered meditation, I think that that is a great use of that half an hour. It works perfectly for me. But it could be something else: reading a book, practicing a skill, exercise, doing a puzzle. Just something that you love and that is good for you.

That last part is important, and why I personally wouldn’t count watching TV as valuable ‘me time’. It’s an indulgence I think everyone should enjoy from time to time, but ultimately it’s vegetation, and I don’t think you get as much out of it as you would with any of the other things I have mentioned.

Earlier I talked about efficiency. Well there is one area in which I think I am still very inefficient. I have an addiction, and that addiction is TV and facebook. And as I say, I don’t think spending time watching TV is very valuable. And scrolling mindlessly through facebook, getting caught up in silly quizzes and stuff definitely isn’t valuable. I don’t think it does much for my mental health. I as a person don’t like the idea of being addicted to anything, and so I wish to get rid of this addiction. And so that’s what my next challenge is gonna be all about, making the time in my life more valuable by cutting down on the things that eat my time and don’t do anything for me. More detail on that tomorrow.

In the meantime, yes I am going to keep meditating. Its doing me so much good, and I like to feel good! Again, I’m going to be cheesy here and sign off with an inspirational life quote (this is an Ellie original…)

Happiness is an art. It takes time, dedication and work. But what you get back from it is beautiful.

Have a lovely day everybody.

High On Life - It's a Real Thing

 First of all, sorry to my thousands of readers (hardy hah hah) for not posting for a while. My life has become incredibly busy lately (which I love) but it means I don’t have that much time for myself! Which, funnily enough, makes it even more important that I am, no matter what, finding half an hour a day to just sit and meditate and just concentrate on me for a bit.

In my last post I said that I thought I was starting to touch upon something in my meditation sessions. Since then I have had some amazing experiences. I’ve stuck with meditating to music as I have found it really helpful, and each day I have found the half an hour asses quicker and quicker, and I am finding it easier and easier to get ‘in the zone’. And it’s such a good way to start the day: feeling calm, relaxed and focused.

And sometimes, it’s more than that.

Now I can’t say I’ve felt like this every day, but sometimes, after a particularly ‘zen’ session – I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that. 

For fun I googled 'euphoria art' and found this: 

It pretty much sums up the feeling I'm trying to describe. Also I want to point out that the painter, Irene Lee, was fourteen when she did this. You win at life Irene Lee.

So through meditation I’ve really learned the meaning of the phrase ‘high on life’

Seriously, I recommend it.

Eight days left - time is flying!

Am I... doing this right?

So here are some things I have learned about meditation

First of all, this is me:

It’s hard. Like. Really hard. Harder than you would think. People who know me know I am always thinking. My brain is always ticking away. I’m an over thinker. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing. For meditation it’s a bad thing. I find it so hard to quieten my brain. But sometimes… just sometimes… something happens and it all feels clear. And if I can figure out a way to get there more often, I am going to love this.

It’s not the same every time. Each day feels different. Sometimes I find it impossible to relax and other times I slip right into it. I’m starting to learn what the best times are for me to meditate. Morning is definitely the best for me. Unfortunately yesterday I didn't get round to it in the morning, and I tried in the evening. Because I had barely slept the night before, I was just too tired. At first I thought it was great – my mind was clearing easily. But then I kept slouching down and I realized I was really just falling asleep! So yeah, morning is best for me, as long as I've had a bit of time to wake up!

I've also tried a range of slightly different methods this week. Today was a bit of a breakthrough. I discovered that music helps me. Of course, not just your average pop music. Go on YouTube and type in ‘meditation music’ and a whole range of super relaxing, zen, gongs and wind chimes stuff comes up. And you know what, it really helps me. For some reason I find it so much easier to clear my mind when I have that music running in the background. I’m not sure exactly how it works but it does.

Now this is what I THINK is the feeling I've been aiming for. Sometimes, it’s like a wave hits my whole body, and I feel slightly on the edge of reality. My body is lighter. And my mind seems clear. Now when I say ‘clear’ – I don’t mean completely blank. It’s more like it’s completely unburdened by my thoughts and worries, and my imagination can just run free. It sort of feels like that moment just before you fall asleep, when you already start dreaming.

Is this meditation? I don’t know. It’s hard to figure out what’s ‘right’ in this kind of thing. But I like it, and I tend to feel pretty good after each session, so I’m going to keep going and see what happens!

More updates soon! Twenty days to go. 

Let's Get Zen

Well I'm four days into my new challenge and I am yet to blog about it which is very naughty, but to be honest I was waiting to have something interesting to say!

My new challenge is:
                                              Meditate every day for thirty days.

We all know this guy has the right idea.

My reasons behind this challenge is that meditation is said to reduce stress and help you focus. I am now entering my third and final year of university, and less stress and more focus would definitely help me! Also, it's something I've always wanted to try and have simply never done. 

They say it takes a while for meditation to 'click'. I'm trying to track my progress day by day: so here is what the last few days have been like.

Day One

First thing I did today was meditate.

The idea is to focus on your breathing and not let any other thoughts get in the way. Today I tried visualizing a flower opening and closing with my breathing. Whenever I started thinking about other things I would try and return to the image. Strangely though, I feel that when you are visualizing something repetitive like that, you can actually visualize that and think about other things at the same time. So returning to it didn't always work. Also, I found it hard to control the image. Often the flower would start opening and closing out of rhythm with my breathing, or just stop altogether, or morph into something else. I don't really know what this means, but it was odd.

Unfortunately, just as I was starting to feel like I was getting 'in the zone' - I realized my foot had gone numb. I had been sitting cross legged on the floor and somehow cut the circulation off. Suddenly this was all I could think about and I was desperately waiting for my alarm to go off. I realized that the meditation had become pointless now so I stopped, about six minutes early.

When I opened my eyes, everything was very bright and vivid and I did feel really calm and relaxed. It was a nice sensation!

Day Two

Again, I made meditation the very first thing I did this morning. And again I sat on the floor, this time with my foot more in front of me so I wasn't putting so much pressure on it, but god damn it it went numb again! Clearly I need to find a new position. So again I finished a little early but I'm not going to beat myself up too much about it. I found it very hard to focus today, mind wandered a lot to all the things I have to do (leaving for birmingham today!) I'm finding it extremely hard to banish these intrusive thoughts. I think the imagery thing isn't quite working for me. I tried chanting a mantra in my head, which is quite a popular method, but again, like with the repetitive imagery, I found that after a while the chant became background and I was thinking again.

Day Three

I have learned two things today: 

1. Meditating in afternoon is not the same as in the morning. Morning works much better for me.  

2. Don't meditate on a full stomach. It aint comfy.

Today's session was very short. I couldn't get in the head space at all. I tried sitting on a chair instead of cross legged on the floor but I actually found it more uncomfortable on my back. For some reason I found it harder to sit upright in the chair than I do on the floor, which is a bit odd. So not a success today but I will try again tomorrow!

Day Four

Back to morning meditation. Today I sat cross legged on a pillow with my feet resting on the floor in front. Finally found a comfortable position, no numb feet!! And today I completed the full half hour - yay!

I'm starting to realize how hard meditation is. Stopping yourself from thinking about all your little tasks and worries is really difficult! Funnily enough I spend half the time thinking about what I'm going to write on this blog! However, I think today I might have found something that works for me. 

About halfway through the session I took an unwanted thought (which was in the shape of a person at this point) and I visualized walking them to a red door, letting them through and shutting it. Actually shutting them out of my brain. And it worked. Then suddenly this room was building up around the door. A room with a huge window, a sofa and a writing desk, with the red door in the corner. Every time anything/anyone would appear in the room that I didn't want there I would shut them behind the red door. Then BIZARRELY there was this little black scottish terrier dog there. I say this is bizzare because I am so much of a cat person. Not really into dogs! But he was definitely supposed to be there, curled up in my lap. I also had my juggling balls there, and played with them for a while.

I've read about people sort of creating safe spaces within their mind which they can go to when they meditate, and I'm wondering if that's what I've done. This is the first thing that has really helped me to push thoughts away and really relax. It didn't work 100% - things definitely came back through the door but then I would just put them back and shut it again. It felt good.

When the session was over I felt fantastic - relaxed and energized at the same time. So I think.... maybe.... this is starting to do something.

Twenty Six more days - let's see where my mind takes me!