High On Life - It's a Real Thing

 First of all, sorry to my thousands of readers (hardy hah hah) for not posting for a while. My life has become incredibly busy lately (which I love) but it means I don’t have that much time for myself! Which, funnily enough, makes it even more important that I am, no matter what, finding half an hour a day to just sit and meditate and just concentrate on me for a bit.

In my last post I said that I thought I was starting to touch upon something in my meditation sessions. Since then I have had some amazing experiences. I’ve stuck with meditating to music as I have found it really helpful, and each day I have found the half an hour asses quicker and quicker, and I am finding it easier and easier to get ‘in the zone’. And it’s such a good way to start the day: feeling calm, relaxed and focused.

And sometimes, it’s more than that.

Now I can’t say I’ve felt like this every day, but sometimes, after a particularly ‘zen’ session – I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that. 

For fun I googled 'euphoria art' and found this: 

It pretty much sums up the feeling I'm trying to describe. Also I want to point out that the painter, Irene Lee, was fourteen when she did this. You win at life Irene Lee.

So through meditation I’ve really learned the meaning of the phrase ‘high on life’

Seriously, I recommend it.

Eight days left - time is flying!

Am I... doing this right?

So here are some things I have learned about meditation

First of all, this is me:

It’s hard. Like. Really hard. Harder than you would think. People who know me know I am always thinking. My brain is always ticking away. I’m an over thinker. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing. For meditation it’s a bad thing. I find it so hard to quieten my brain. But sometimes… just sometimes… something happens and it all feels clear. And if I can figure out a way to get there more often, I am going to love this.

It’s not the same every time. Each day feels different. Sometimes I find it impossible to relax and other times I slip right into it. I’m starting to learn what the best times are for me to meditate. Morning is definitely the best for me. Unfortunately yesterday I didn't get round to it in the morning, and I tried in the evening. Because I had barely slept the night before, I was just too tired. At first I thought it was great – my mind was clearing easily. But then I kept slouching down and I realized I was really just falling asleep! So yeah, morning is best for me, as long as I've had a bit of time to wake up!

I've also tried a range of slightly different methods this week. Today was a bit of a breakthrough. I discovered that music helps me. Of course, not just your average pop music. Go on YouTube and type in ‘meditation music’ and a whole range of super relaxing, zen, gongs and wind chimes stuff comes up. And you know what, it really helps me. For some reason I find it so much easier to clear my mind when I have that music running in the background. I’m not sure exactly how it works but it does.

Now this is what I THINK is the feeling I've been aiming for. Sometimes, it’s like a wave hits my whole body, and I feel slightly on the edge of reality. My body is lighter. And my mind seems clear. Now when I say ‘clear’ – I don’t mean completely blank. It’s more like it’s completely unburdened by my thoughts and worries, and my imagination can just run free. It sort of feels like that moment just before you fall asleep, when you already start dreaming.

Is this meditation? I don’t know. It’s hard to figure out what’s ‘right’ in this kind of thing. But I like it, and I tend to feel pretty good after each session, so I’m going to keep going and see what happens!

More updates soon! Twenty days to go. 

Let's Get Zen

Well I'm four days into my new challenge and I am yet to blog about it which is very naughty, but to be honest I was waiting to have something interesting to say!

My new challenge is:
                                              Meditate every day for thirty days.

We all know this guy has the right idea.

My reasons behind this challenge is that meditation is said to reduce stress and help you focus. I am now entering my third and final year of university, and less stress and more focus would definitely help me! Also, it's something I've always wanted to try and have simply never done. 

They say it takes a while for meditation to 'click'. I'm trying to track my progress day by day: so here is what the last few days have been like.

Day One

First thing I did today was meditate.

The idea is to focus on your breathing and not let any other thoughts get in the way. Today I tried visualizing a flower opening and closing with my breathing. Whenever I started thinking about other things I would try and return to the image. Strangely though, I feel that when you are visualizing something repetitive like that, you can actually visualize that and think about other things at the same time. So returning to it didn't always work. Also, I found it hard to control the image. Often the flower would start opening and closing out of rhythm with my breathing, or just stop altogether, or morph into something else. I don't really know what this means, but it was odd.

Unfortunately, just as I was starting to feel like I was getting 'in the zone' - I realized my foot had gone numb. I had been sitting cross legged on the floor and somehow cut the circulation off. Suddenly this was all I could think about and I was desperately waiting for my alarm to go off. I realized that the meditation had become pointless now so I stopped, about six minutes early.

When I opened my eyes, everything was very bright and vivid and I did feel really calm and relaxed. It was a nice sensation!

Day Two

Again, I made meditation the very first thing I did this morning. And again I sat on the floor, this time with my foot more in front of me so I wasn't putting so much pressure on it, but god damn it it went numb again! Clearly I need to find a new position. So again I finished a little early but I'm not going to beat myself up too much about it. I found it very hard to focus today, mind wandered a lot to all the things I have to do (leaving for birmingham today!) I'm finding it extremely hard to banish these intrusive thoughts. I think the imagery thing isn't quite working for me. I tried chanting a mantra in my head, which is quite a popular method, but again, like with the repetitive imagery, I found that after a while the chant became background and I was thinking again.

Day Three

I have learned two things today: 

1. Meditating in afternoon is not the same as in the morning. Morning works much better for me.  

2. Don't meditate on a full stomach. It aint comfy.

Today's session was very short. I couldn't get in the head space at all. I tried sitting on a chair instead of cross legged on the floor but I actually found it more uncomfortable on my back. For some reason I found it harder to sit upright in the chair than I do on the floor, which is a bit odd. So not a success today but I will try again tomorrow!

Day Four

Back to morning meditation. Today I sat cross legged on a pillow with my feet resting on the floor in front. Finally found a comfortable position, no numb feet!! And today I completed the full half hour - yay!

I'm starting to realize how hard meditation is. Stopping yourself from thinking about all your little tasks and worries is really difficult! Funnily enough I spend half the time thinking about what I'm going to write on this blog! However, I think today I might have found something that works for me. 

About halfway through the session I took an unwanted thought (which was in the shape of a person at this point) and I visualized walking them to a red door, letting them through and shutting it. Actually shutting them out of my brain. And it worked. Then suddenly this room was building up around the door. A room with a huge window, a sofa and a writing desk, with the red door in the corner. Every time anything/anyone would appear in the room that I didn't want there I would shut them behind the red door. Then BIZARRELY there was this little black scottish terrier dog there. I say this is bizzare because I am so much of a cat person. Not really into dogs! But he was definitely supposed to be there, curled up in my lap. I also had my juggling balls there, and played with them for a while.

I've read about people sort of creating safe spaces within their mind which they can go to when they meditate, and I'm wondering if that's what I've done. This is the first thing that has really helped me to push thoughts away and really relax. It didn't work 100% - things definitely came back through the door but then I would just put them back and shut it again. It felt good.

When the session was over I felt fantastic - relaxed and energized at the same time. So I think.... maybe.... this is starting to do something.

Twenty Six more days - let's see where my mind takes me!