Then and Now

So this is what I've been doing for the last year:

Juggle every day
Give up refined sugar
Exercise every day
Write something creative every day
Meditate every day
Cut down on TV and Facebook every day

Write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days

Give up on gossiping, bitching, moaning and criticizing for thirty day.

Practice violin every day.

Spend only eighty pounds in thirty days

Read every day

Take a photos and keep a diary every day

Ultimate challenge (combining all my favourite challenges)

That's it! That's this year summed up in thirteen different 30 day challenges. Pretty awesome. It's been a few weeks now since I finished my last challenge, and I must say it's quite strange not having a challenge on at the moment. But it has been perfectly timed as now Uni is over and I've been having a little bit of a holiday!

Before properly abandoning this blog, I just wanted to do one last post about how much this year has meant to me, and how much good has come from it. I think deciding to do this was perhaps one of the best decisions of my life, it's led to a lot of positive changes! When I think of the person I was and the way I felt about myself a year ago and then think of who I am now, well there are a lot of differences! Here are a few:

Achieving My Goals

Then

All talk and no walk. I knew I had talents but I wasn't doing anything to utilize them. I was dreaming of all the things I might one day do, but wasn't attempting to do any of them.

Now

I feel like I have taken some giant leaps forward this year, mostly within my writing. Not only have I managed to keep up this blog, but I've also got two notebooks full of poetry, some of which I perform now and again, and I wrote 36000 words of a novel. Sure, most of those words were a load of crap, but hey, that's a massive step closer to that dream than I was before! I'm also writing for the online publication The New Female now, which I know I wouldn't have been doing if I hadn't have flexed my writing muscles in this blog! I feel like writing isn't something I think about any more, it's something I do. I am a writer. It's even on my business cards.

But even outside of writing, I have taught myself this year that I can do pretty much anything if I put my mind to it! I learned how to juggle for god's sake! And that knowledge has given me so much power: I am a go getting gal and I love it.

Health (Body and Mind)
Then

Pretty unhealthy eating habits, swinging from extreme diet to biscuit binge, and ultimately feeling pretty shitty about my body. Quite a few unexplained mood swings, and a general feeling of blue about life.

Now

My first few challenges kick-started my love for good nutrition and exercise. I am now in my sixth month of no sugar, and feeling a lot fitter! Yes, I did lose a bit of weight this year, but that's not actually the biggest benefit. My body has changed a little bit, but my attitude to my body has changed a lot. My first priority is health, not my dress size. In fact, recently I have gained a bit of weight and it's really not bothering me, because I feel great on the inside. A healthy body means a happy head, this happy head really aint got time for body shaming any more. I can't say that I am super healthy all the time, but I have to say, when I do slip into a bit of a junk food phase, it's not as satisfying any more. I begin to crave spinach. Seriously, I treated myself to a loaf of bread the other week and I actually had to force myself to get through it. I never thought that I, worshiper of toast, would ever say that.

Meditation and reading have also helped me so much! I love that balanced feeling I get from meditating, and I feel so much better now that I put more energy into reading, and other head healthy activities, rather than watching the TV all the time. It's very easy to let your mind slip back into a restless place, but now that I know what it's like to have it at peace, I am always striving for it.

So much balance. So much awesome.

Confidence

Then

Outwardly, I had a lot of confidence, but really I was pretty insecure. I didn't feel like I knew myself very well, or even liked myself that much. I knew I was a good person, but I still didn't put a lot of value of myself.

Now

I love myself. And I'm not ashamed to say it. Self love is awesome! I feel so assured of who I am, what I want, and what makes me happy. Through these challenges, I've figured all of that out, and I can treat myself with the love that everyone deserves. I am a stronger person because of it. Sure, I still have my insecurities, but I also have the ability to tell myself that that's ok. I fuck up sometimes, but I have the ability to forgive myself. I have been treating myself with utter love, and as a result: I think I'm pretty great.

Life Satisfaction

Then

Bored. I was bored! I loved my course and I loved my friends, but I didn't really feel like I had much else going for me. No interests or hobbies, no achievements outside of uni. I felt bored with life and also bored at myself. I felt like a boring person. I spent most of my spare time watching TV and letting the world slip by.

Now

What do I do in my spare time? Let's see... I read, I write, I juggle, I work out, I practice my violin, I meditate. That's a pretty satisfying list of hobbies, and they have come directly out of my challenges. But some other things have come out of them too. I'm always giving myself new projects to do now. I plan a lot more trips and activities than I used to. I go outside a lot more. When I'm bored, I find something interesting to do. I strive to achieve something every day. I have had a total attitude adjustment! Sure, every now and then I will veg out in front of the TV, but pretty soon I get tired of that. I can't sit and twiddle my thumbs the way I used to. I am officially a proactive person.

And this is all I really wanted. I wanted to give myself a kick up the bum and change my life for the better: and that's exactly what I've done. And that's the best part: I did all of this. Anything good to have come out of this year is down to me. I brought all of this positivity in my life. I brought happiness to myself. And knowing that just makes me feel like a superhero (hence all the self love I mentioned earlier)


There's one last thing I want to mention. One more amazing thing to come out of this year. When I started this, I was hoping to do myself some good and maybe give my friends something fun to read. What I wasn't expecting was to have a whole bunch of people getting in touch with me to tell me that they've been inspired by what I've been doing, and that it's given them a kick up the bum too! Some people have even told me that they've started doing their own challenges.

To know that all of this has not only done me the world of good, but has also had a positive effect on other peoples lives... That's a truly amazing feeling.




Quite rightly, I'm very proud of all I have achieved this year.

What's next?

Well.... Off to the next adventure! I am so pleased to be able to tell you that I am going to be starting a new job in Germany this August, touring English theatre to German schools. It's an eleven month contract, so I've pretty much got another year of craziness in front of me, travelling around the south of Germany with a bunch of actors! It feels like the perfect thing for me to be doing right now, and I am so unbelievably excited.

And yes. I'm going to do a blog about it. You can read it on my super fancy new website eleanorbuchanan.com

As far as the challenges go, well I don't think I'm ever going to stop challenging myself. Maybe it won't always be with 30 day challenges (although now this year is over I suddenly have a load more ideas! Talk to a stranger every day, sketch something every say, practice origami every day, the list is growing) but now I know that there is nothing more satisfying than setting a goal and then achieving it. So I'm going to keep pushing myself as hard as I can to be the best person I can be. And I have a feeling that I am going to be very, very happy.

Thanks for reading guys, it's been a pleasure writing for you.

Love love love love love.

Ellie.

X

Day Five of Forever

Hello!

So here is an update of how I am fairing on this challenge - five days in.

To give you a clue to the general tone of this post... I feel like a super happy octopus.

Exercise and Meditation

So far this is going swimmingly! Granted I am not doing as intense exercise as I did in my original exercise challenge - but I think my strengthening and stretching routine is exactly what my body needs right now and it fits into half an hour which at the moment is all I can afford. Meditation is going great :) I no longer have to set myself a timer - I generally come to a finish by myself at about twenty five minutes. It's been a little while since I did it this regularly, and I have to say it is a discipline worth doing daily. I really find my mind clearing and strengthening more and more each day, and reaching new levels every time.

Violin Practice and Juggling Practice

So I have been alternating between Juggling and Violin each night (although I did both today!) and I actually think that this way is better than when I was practicing daily. I apply this more to violin than juggling, I could juggle any time and be happy doing it, but with Violin its really nice to just do it every other day - it's a more pleasurable experience. I've been doing between forty five minutes and an hour each time, which is more than I did during the challenge, and I think that's simply because I'm enjoying it more. And because I'm enjoying it more I'm doing better quality practice and therefore improving :) big yay.

Poetry Writing and Reading 

I was hoping to be jotting down some ideas for poems every day. So far I haven't quite managed to do that, so I need to pay a little more attention to that area. Same with reading, I just need to find more opportunities to do it!

Keeping a Journal

This is an interesting one. I like to do this last thing at night, but writing a journal is a pretty private experience that one should take ones time with, and if my boyfriend is staying over I'm less inclined to do it. I thought about it, and I've decided that's ok, as long as I keep it up regularly enough.


Overall, I'm feeling really positive and happy and so in control of my own life! I'm getting so much done (hence why I feel like a super happy octopus) and it's just so great to feel like I'm using my time in a valuable way instead of letting each day slip by.

Tonight, I'm going to have a little writing session and get my poem of the week off its feet! And add that to my list of awesome things I have done this week.

I'll post another update soon, until then, taraar!!

Positivity For The Win

Hello beautiful people!

Today's blog is all about POSITIVITY and how the more effort we make to put it into the world, the better our lives will be. I have so much to say on the subject, but I can't write it all, so I'm gonna scatter some nice quotes throughout that I think sum up some of my feelings :)

The challenge is going well. It’s a difficult one to track because of the fact that it’s about internal change rather than external, but I really feel like day by day it’s getting easier. For me it’s all about drawing lines between just getting things off your chest, and moaning. Sometimes things can get too much and you need to talk it through with someone. But it’s all about making sure that the negativity from that situation doesn’t seep into other areas of your life.

In my second show week I worked really hard to avoid negative conversations, and what I actually found really helpful was to actively be more positive. I was trying to do things like compliment people more, and ask more questions about them rather than talk about myself. I was putting more of my focus on other people and listening more. I was making more effort to engage people in conversation. Basically, I was simply making more effort to be nice. Each day I was going in with the aim to make the people around me happy.

And I think it worked. It was a really great week, and despite the stress of doing a massive musical, everyone seemed to have a good time. Now I don’t take full responsibility for that, but I like to think that I brought a bit of positive energy into the mix.

Then I started thinking. I was thinking back to first year of uni, when we didn’t know each other. I remember how much effort I made to get to know people. It was the same kind of thing, paying extra attention to what people were saying and really engaging with them. I remember it in other people too. We were all really nice and polite and kind in the beginning. After a while, these things tend to give way a little. It’s natural, I think. When you get comfortable with people you then start showing your darker sides a bit. And it’s great when you have friends who will put up with your bad sides because they love your good ones. But it’s occurred to me lately that maybe it would be better if we carried on making that kind of effort with people.

Because really, why would we ever stop being nice, polite and kind to each other? What does that achieve? When you stop and take just a little bit of time to make effort with someone, whether that’s through complimenting them, or making effort to include them, or just making sure you really listen to what they have to say, it has the potential to really brighten their day. And that in turn can brighten yours.

I’ve started to realise that even if you’ve known someone for a while, you probably only see the tip of the iceberg. People are a complex and exciting amalgamation of thousands of moments that can be explored: All you have to do is ask questions. And really listen. I randomly asked a friend who I don’t hang out with much what their family Christmas traditions were, and we launched into a massive conversation about it. I’ve known this person for a few years now, but because I made the effort to ask about them, I got to know them a little bit more that day.

It can be easy to get wrapped up in yourself and lose interest in others. It can be easy to write someone off because of a personality clash, or a difference in opinion. It can be easy to say ‘hey, we’re not that close’ and just stop making the effort. But I’m realising now that if you do that, you really miss out on a beautiful part of the human experience. The more you get to know people, the more chance you have of understanding them. And the more you understand people, the more forgiving you can be. And things just feel a lot better that way.

So this challenge is sort of morphing as it goes along. As well as trying to cut down on all those negative habits, I’m now trying to boost all my positive ones, and make a lot more effort to spread positivity and happiness to those in my life. Seems an appropriate challenge for December.

Thirteen days left (and only eight till Christmas!!!!)

Peace and Love

Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

The Little Things

Well I am nearing the end of my challenge. And I have to say this one has not been very challenging.

It was never intended to be really.

The last month I've been a busy bee, and needed to be using my time more efficiently. I didn't want to give myself a challenge that used time, I needed one that would help me save it. So that is why I decided to cut down TV and Facebook. I knew it would help me to get a bit more focus, and it did. A very good friend of mine pointed out that with this challenge I already knew what I was going to get out of it, the lesson was pretty much learned before I even started. I just knew it was something I needed to do.

Nevertheless, I have still learned a few new things that have made this month valuable :)

1. I really do love 'Neighbours'. I had to see if I could go a month without it, and I can, so I'm happy with that, but I can't deny how much I have missed it. And it's safe to say I will be catching up on what I have missed! I'm sorry world, I love a really terrible Australian soap and that is never going to change. (For those of you who ever watched it, Karl and Susan are still there. They broke up and got back together, again. And have now been living on the street for twenty years!!)

TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES, PEOPLE!

2. That being said, having only a few 'treat' shows is a really great way of living. Since the Bake Off ended, Dr Who has been my only TV indulgence (movies aside) and I have looked forward to it all the more because of it. It feels like a proper treat to myself, and I feel like I earn it by not watching other crap. I just think when you have less of something you appreciate it so much more. So I'm gonna carry on limiting what I watch, because I think it's much better to only watch the things you love, and spend the rest of your time doing other things you love too.

3. I actually value Facebook more than I thought I did. Yes, I did write a rant about the perils of facebook but I have also learned to appreciate what it's actually good for. Facebook is a great communication tool, and it brings me closer to people who I never otherwise would keep in touch with. Also, when used wisely, it can become a great place to share ideas and discover new things. It's so useful in this busy era we live in to have a place where you can really organize your social life and also just enjoy each other. There's a lot of harmless fun to Facebook that I've been missing! Strangely, through using it a lot less, I have actually seen how good Facebook can be. It has a lot of merits as well as lot of issues. Like I say, you just have to use it wisely. So I will be becoming more Facebook active again very soon, but I shall be avoiding the dreaded facebook scroll which turns me into a zombie, because that is never good. I think a healthy middle ground can be found :)

4. Through the challenge itself, I have learned to appreciate that by making tiny adjustments to your life you can make a big difference. All I did was give up a few things I didn't really need, and it wasn't even difficult, but it has done me the world of good. I am getting a lot more done and my brain does just feel a bit healthier all round! So yes, the little things are important, and self awareness is the key. The more challenges I do, the more aware I am becoming of who I am as a person, and what I need (or don't need) in order to be happy. It's so so easy to let things slip and you need to be aware when you do so that you can pick yourself back up (see my last post on that one)

All in all, though it's been an easy challenge, it has really been as valuable as the others. It's another stepping stone being the person that I want to be. It's not over quite yet, but I think I have said all that needs to be said on the subject. Next month is National Novel Writing Month, and my challenge will be to write a 50,000 word Novel in thirty days. Not such an easy challenge!! So I will be updating you on that soon.

Whoever is reading this, hope you have a nice day and take a moment to appreciate the little things in life you can do for yourself that make you happy :)

The Hard Work of Happiness

Yesterday I went to bed feeling like utter shite.

I had had a pretty good day really, went out for a lovely meal with a friend and had a great time. Then I came back home and went into a downward spiral of eugh. I flopped like a sack of potatoes and ended up breaking my challenge rules and scrolling on facebook - which didn't help one bit. Before I went to bed I tried to do some writing and just couldn't focus at all. It was the first time I had felt so rubbish in a long time. 

So I thought to myself, why?

Over the last few months I have been learning little tricks to my own well being. Healthy eating, exercise, mediation, using time productively, juggling, keeping my space nice and tidy. Having spent most of the day eating crappy food and procrastinating, and now sitting in my bomb-site of a room, I realised what the problem was. I hadn't ticked anything off my 'Happy Ellie Check-list'. It was the first time in a long while I hadn't done any of it. In fact, I had actively ticked off some of the things on my 'Sad Ellie Check-list' - crappy food, mindless procrastination, messiness, laziness. All of these habits are so easy to slip into but they do me no good! I thought of one of my recent blog posts and realised I needed to give myself some TLC.

So I set my alarm nice and early and got up with an aim to actively improve my mood. I worked out, I stretched, I made myself a really healthy breakfast and packed lunch, I meditated, I tidied my room. Just ten minutes into the work out and I already felt better. Now, having had my lovely lunch, I feel back to normal! 

In a way, I'm glad yesterday happened. It was a gentle reminder that I am in charge of my own well being. Happiness is hard work. It doesn't come easily. You have to chip away at it every day. But when the results are so rewarding, it doesn't feel like hard work any more. It just feels right. Getting up early for a work out doesn't feel like a chore, because I know it will make me feel good for the rest of the day. Meditating is such a part of my routine now that I feel really unfocussed and out of sorts without it. Strangely enough, the days in which I don't put in the effort and just laze around actually feel like much harder work, because trying to be in a good mood without any of my mood boosters in nigh on impossible! Time drags, each moment feels like an effort to live through. And then the procrastination spiral begins: distracting myself from my own bad mood.

I think one of the reasons this happened yesterday is because I had a day off. Usually I have a schedule. Let's say I have uni, I will make sure I set my alarm so that I can get a work out and a mediation session in before I go in. If I don't do it in the morning I won't do it at all, so I make sure I get it done. Yesterday I didn't need to set an alarm, and there was nowhere I needed to be, so those usual morning tasks got pushed back and then forgotten completely. On a day when could have achieved so much with all my spare time, I actually achieved very little. It's funny, I am so much more productive when I have less time on my hands!

So what can I learn from this? For some people, a lazy day in front of the TV with a pizza and a tub of iced cream is exactly what they need once in a while. But I know that that doesn't work for me. I need a bit of a routine, I need a schedule, I need tasks and goals. I like being busy. It makes me feel good. Most of the time Uni keeps me busy but sometimes it doesn't. And then it's up to me. If I want to get that little 'yeah, life is great' feeling then I need to keep myself occupied. Make plans, make my own little schedules, set my own goals. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And my well being and happiness is my responsibility. It's up to me to make it happen. 

So from this point on, I am dedicated to putting in the hard work that is needed to make myself feel good every single day. Because if there's one thing I can draw from this entire challenge experience, it's that happiness is worth the hard work. 

Seven days left till the next adventure. 

How to love yourself: Finding your Inner Child

Today I’m doing something slightly different. This post isn’t so much about my current challenge, but about the new philosophy and attitude to life I have adopted since starting this whole thing. I am on a journey towards true self love – and this is my theory on how to get there.

Imagine you have a child.

Some of you may not have to imagine.

How would you treat this child of yours?

Would you feed them junk food every day? Would you starve them? Or make sure they have a balanced, nutritious diet?

Would you let them sit in front of the TV/computer every day and night? Or would you make sure they get outside and get exercise so that they can be fit and strong?

Would you let them get bored? Or would you give them stimulating activities to do? Would you limit their experience of the world, or encourage them to explore it? Would you teach them nothing, or help them to learn?

When that child makes a mistake, would you punish them endlessly? Or would you help them learn and move on?

When that child feels sad, would you let them wallow and indulge or would you try to cheer them up? When something bad happens to them, would you blame them for it? Or would you help them through it?

Basically what I’m asking is: if you had a child to look after, would you neglect that child? Or would you treat it with love and kindness. I’m sure you’re all thinking the latter.

We all know how to love other people, whether it’s children, friends, family, even pets. We know how we should treat them. But we don’t seem to know how to treat ourselves.

If a child is neglected they start to think that they are worthless. They blame themselves. They become unhappy, unhealthy people. They cannot love themselves because they don’t know love. But when a child is loved they can feel it. They start recognize their own value, because they see how much they are valued by others.

Now I think you know where I’m going with this.

If you want to feel happy, you have to treat yourself with the love and care that you would treat that child with. Eat well, exercise, find balance between work and play, encourage yourself to learn more and experience more, stimulate your brain, forgive yourself when you make mistakes, do things that make you feel good. And by good I mean genuinely good, not ‘this is gonna hurt tomorrow good’ (although there’s room for that sometimes – indulgences are good too!)

If you don’t treat yourself with love, you won’t feel like you deserve it. If you don’t treat yourself with respect, you won’t feel like you deserve it. Happiness comes from within, and you are the only person who can make that happen. So find that inner child, and stop neglecting them.

As for the challenge – I am finding myself spending a lot less time vegetating and a lot more time thinking, feeling, doing, talking, writing. I think we can expect more posts like this this month.

Twenty four more days. 

Some Self Reflection

So I’ve been meditating for a month now. And of course, that has made me think a lot and reflect on life somewhat. I genuinely think some really positive changes have begun to take place.

No matter what is going on, no matter how stressed or upset or angry or tired I might be, I have found a way to start each day in a good head space. And it makes such a difference. I’ve been timing it well so that I get up, shower and eat and get ready, and then the last thing I do before I leave is meditate. Then I walk out of the door feeling great. Starting your day in a positive way is so important, and I feel like it really influences how I am going to deal with anything that happens that day. I can approach life with a smile, which is exactly how it should be.

Thought it had been a while since I used an adorable cat to make us all get squishy in our feels.

I worry less now, which is amazing. I am such a worrier it’s unbelievable, but I’ve started to let things go a lot easier and just focus on what’s really important. I think it’s because when I come out of a meditation session I feel so good that I can really evaluate my ‘problems’ and see that they are just blips, and that spending time worrying over them does nothing. Most of my worrying involves regret – ‘I should have done more work last night’ or ‘I shouldn’t have said that thing to that person’ – but I am really learning now to forgive myself any of these little hiccups, learn from it and move on. It sounds cheesy, but life really is too short for that stuff.

I have a new habit and I think it might be something to do with meditation. I am very tidy now. Like – everything has its proper place and I make my bed every single day kind of tidy. In the 22 years that I have been alive, this has never happened for more than three days in a row. Now it’s been thirty. Whuuuuut? When I moved back into my Birmingham house, obviously I unpacked everything to its proper place and made the room look nice – didn’t want to get off to a bad start! But usually what would happen is that during the week everything would get moved and not put back, my clothes would litter the floor and my bed would have no attention paid to it whatsoever. Then I discovered that after meditation, when I had worked so hard to clear my head, if I opened my eyes to clutter I would feel like this:

Which is not ideal. So I would immediately tidy it up. I realized that if my space is out of balance, I feel out of balance, and so I dedicate a teeny tiny part of my day, less than a minute, to making my room look tidy each morning. Which is much more efficient than letting it get messy and then spending half a day sorting it.

In fact, I think efficiency is the main thing I have gained from this experience. When I have a problem I don’t waste time worrying about it, I just fix it and move on. And by being willing to fix little problems and do little things every day, rather than letting my responsibilities build, I don’t have that moment when I feel like everything’s on top of me and I’m going to get crushed under the weight of it all. Everything just feels so much simpler and easier now.

Most of all, I have learned the importance of taking time for yourself, every day. We all claim not to have enough time for that, but often that simply isn’t true. The truth is we don’t prioritize ourselves. There are 24 hours in each day, and you probably spend about 16 of them awake. Surely within those 16 hours you can find half an hour for just yourself? I think if you want to be happy you need to treat yourself with the love and kindness you treat others with. And that means making time for just you, and no one else. Just half an hour a day. Since I have discovered meditation, I think that that is a great use of that half an hour. It works perfectly for me. But it could be something else: reading a book, practicing a skill, exercise, doing a puzzle. Just something that you love and that is good for you.

That last part is important, and why I personally wouldn’t count watching TV as valuable ‘me time’. It’s an indulgence I think everyone should enjoy from time to time, but ultimately it’s vegetation, and I don’t think you get as much out of it as you would with any of the other things I have mentioned.

Earlier I talked about efficiency. Well there is one area in which I think I am still very inefficient. I have an addiction, and that addiction is TV and facebook. And as I say, I don’t think spending time watching TV is very valuable. And scrolling mindlessly through facebook, getting caught up in silly quizzes and stuff definitely isn’t valuable. I don’t think it does much for my mental health. I as a person don’t like the idea of being addicted to anything, and so I wish to get rid of this addiction. And so that’s what my next challenge is gonna be all about, making the time in my life more valuable by cutting down on the things that eat my time and don’t do anything for me. More detail on that tomorrow.

In the meantime, yes I am going to keep meditating. Its doing me so much good, and I like to feel good! Again, I’m going to be cheesy here and sign off with an inspirational life quote (this is an Ellie original…)

Happiness is an art. It takes time, dedication and work. But what you get back from it is beautiful.

Have a lovely day everybody.

High On Life - It's a Real Thing

 First of all, sorry to my thousands of readers (hardy hah hah) for not posting for a while. My life has become incredibly busy lately (which I love) but it means I don’t have that much time for myself! Which, funnily enough, makes it even more important that I am, no matter what, finding half an hour a day to just sit and meditate and just concentrate on me for a bit.

In my last post I said that I thought I was starting to touch upon something in my meditation sessions. Since then I have had some amazing experiences. I’ve stuck with meditating to music as I have found it really helpful, and each day I have found the half an hour asses quicker and quicker, and I am finding it easier and easier to get ‘in the zone’. And it’s such a good way to start the day: feeling calm, relaxed and focused.

And sometimes, it’s more than that.

Now I can’t say I’ve felt like this every day, but sometimes, after a particularly ‘zen’ session – I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that. 

For fun I googled 'euphoria art' and found this: 

It pretty much sums up the feeling I'm trying to describe. Also I want to point out that the painter, Irene Lee, was fourteen when she did this. You win at life Irene Lee.

So through meditation I’ve really learned the meaning of the phrase ‘high on life’

Seriously, I recommend it.

Eight days left - time is flying!

New Challenge Huzzah!

Good morning Star Shine - the earth says: HELLO

So my new challenge began yesterday (which is when I intended to blog but I forgot) and the challenge is......

Exercise every day.

Bit of an anti climax, this is probably one of my least interesting challenges, but it's SUMMER and considering how much I love running, this is the right challenge for this time of year. My plan is to alternate between running, zumba, and strength training. Mostly it will depend on weather/time restraints as to what I do, I'm not going to plan it too rigourously. For example, both today and yesterday the sun was shining so I went running. As soon as it rains I will be sticking on the zumba dvds instead! And I will aim to do strength training a couple of days a week (I hate it, but I want to get strong!)

The idea with this challenge is to keep riding the 'I feel so good and healthy' vibes I got from my no sugar challenge. Small update on that: yesterday I indulged in many treats, they were all delicious but did make me feel a bit crap - so I'm gonna give 'one day of sugar a week' a go and that way I can keep a tab on it and still have my favorite things.

I also have decided to set mini goals to keep it more interesting:

One 10k run a week.
Work on reducing my running time on my 5k runs.
With every strength training session, add another set of reps.
After every cardio session do downward dog (a stretch I despise but recognize to be very important) for at least two minutes.

So hopefully, by the end of this month I am going to feel fitter, healthier, stronger and happier. Maybe this level of happy:

Yeah.

Twenty eight days to go.

Continuing the Journey

So I have reached Day Thirty.

For the past thirty days I have avoided eating anything that contains added sugar, and practiced juggling for at least half an hour.

How did I do?

Well, I had precisely three 'fail' days with the no sugar challenge (graduation ball dinner, the epic brownie, and the cast meal) and yet I don't think of myself as having failed the challenge at all. I think if I had the attitude of 'once you've broken the rules you've failed the challenge' I wouldn't have bothered to see it through till the end. It doesn't really matter what trip ups I have along the way, as long as the challenge has a positive outcome - which it has. I have been leading a much healthier lifestyle for the last month, I've lost weight, my skin has become super clear, my mood is fantastic and pretty darn consistent. I am a happier person for having done this challenge. So no, I don't see any failure here.

Similar situation with the juggling challenge. During my show week I had three days where I was simply too busy rehearsing and performing, so I didn't get my juggling time in. But I now have a new hobby which I love, and to be honest I will continue to practice it indefinitely! So skipping a few days here and there is not a problem. I can now say with confidence that I can do the 'cascade' (the basic juggling pattern) AND I am happy to announce that I am now moving on to juggling tricks and picking them up fairly well.

The whole point of these challenges is to bring positive changes to my life, and to not let the time just drift away. One month in, and I am healthier, happier and have a new skill! Achievement: unlocked.

So now these challenges are almost over: where do I go from here?

I have no doubt that I will keep juggling up, as I have become rather obsessive. The sugar thing is an interesting one. I have a little stash of chocolate and biscuits waiting for me, but I don't want to go straight back to binging! I shall try my best to spread them out. To be honest, the thing I'm most looking forward to is a bit of toast!

I also return to work at a chocolate themed attraction tomorrow, where I will be surrounded by temptation. It's going to be tough to not return to old habits. The truth is, I would love to keep cutting sugar out, just with a few exceptions. I don't want to worry about it when I go out for a meal, for example, because it cuts out most of the menu options. And I can't say I never want another pudding! But I do want to take this new, healthier lifestyle forward because the benefits of it are just outstanding. I think the best thing for me to do is try my best to keep this new habit up most of the time, and if it all spirals out of control I shall simply have to go cold turkey again! One thing I do know, this challenge has completely changed my attitude to food. I now know that biscuits, although delicious, won't really make me happy.

And of course, looking forward, I have had to think about what my next challenge will be. And I shall be announcing that tomorrow! Very exited to be adding more positive experiences to my life.

Here's to my final day of this challenge, and to forming new habits!