My Final Challenge

Hello folks!

So I started this year of challenges in June and it is now May - so we know what that means! This challenge is my final challenge of the year. So let's make it a goodun. Technically I should have started this on friday - but the last few days have been a bit hectic and I wanted to get off to a good start, so I am starting tomorrow instead!

These are the challenges I have completed (or at least attempted) thus far:

Juggle every day
Give up refined sugar
Exercise every day
Write something creative every day
Meditate every day
Cut down on TV and Facebook every day

Write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days

Give up on gossiping, bitching, moaning and criticizing for thirty day.

Practice violin every day.

Spend only eighty pounds in thirty days

Read every day

Take a photos and keep a diary every day

(Technically that's my One Year Twelve Challenges done, as I did two the first month! But hey, let's stick one last one in there anyway.)

Looking back on everything I've done this year I feel a bit like this:

And now just one more to go! I really want to end the year with something special - go out with a bang.

A lot of these challenges were about creating habits. Some of which have stuck with me (now in my fifth month of not eating sugar!!) and some of which haven't (that pesky violin practice went as quickly as it came). I've learned a lot about myself and what kind of person I want to be through these challenges, and I want to make this last month a sort of mega-challenge. I want to combine some of my favorite challenges together, and try and start creating a routine that includes them all.

So here are the things I really want to include in this challenge:

Exercise
Meditation
Poetry writing
Violin practice
Juggling practice
Reading
Keeping a journal

(I would include not eating sugar in that list, but I've managed to keep that up anyway, so I wouldn't consider it a challenge any more.)

So these are all things that I really want to make a regular part of my lifestyle. If I've learned anything this year it is that I am at my happiest when I am being productive, and so I want to start pushing myself in all these areas. The tricky part has been trying to figure out how to fit it all in!

This challenge happens to be falling in my very last month of Drama School! What a perfect month to end my challenges on, just before I step out into the big wide world. I am hardly in for lectures any more, but I do have a pretty hefty project to be getting on with - my business plan. So even when I am not in for uni, I am pretty much considering my time from 9 - 5 my 'office hours' - where I dedicate my time to business plan, applying for jobs, and projects. So I need to find time for all of this challenge stuff in my mornings and evenings. Here is what I have in mind...

Exercise and Meditation

I know that I am at my best both physically and mentally when I make time for both of these things every day. Since both of these challenges I have kept them both up to a certain extent - but I want to go back to doing them both daily. Time wise, I think it would be reasonable to fit in half an hour of strength training and stretching, and half an hour of meditation every morning. I'd also like to fit in cardio a couple of times a week, perhaps when I can afford to start 'office hours' a little later in the day. Right now I'm avoiding running because I have very sore knees, but there's always zumba!

Poetry Writing, Violin Practice, Juggling and Reading

So essentially, these are my hobbies and skills. If I want to improve in my violin and juggling I need to practice regularly! And if I want to progress with my writing I need to push myself to write and read as often as possible. But what to do? I can't do them all every day. So I've decided to alternate between violin and juggling each night. It'll be the first thing I do when I get home from uni, practice for half an hour. As for writing and reading... well, I always have a book in my bag for whenever I'm in the bus or just have ten minutes to myself. That seems to work pretty well, it's aided me in reading a few more books since my reading challenge in march finished! I also take my poetry book everywhere, but that doesn't necessarily mean I write in it that often. So to aid me in writing a bit more, I just want to spend a few minutes each day, whether on my lunch break or maybe just before going to bed, jotting some ideas down. Then, over the weekend I must turn one of my ideas into a fully formed poem. A poem a week sounds reasonable I think!

Keeping a Journal

I wanted to include this because I want to use it to keep myself going. This is potentially my hardest challenge yet. It's going to be tricky to keep track of everything and keep motivated! But I think if I organise my thoughts every evening, even if its as simple as writing down my tasks for the next day, I think it could be a real help to me.

Some other thoughts...

I'll sort of be going back to my challenge of avoiding TV so that I can fit all this in. I'm definitely cool with that! As I whole I definitely watch less TV now than I did before, and I really don't miss it! That being said, you should always make time for some good films and documentaries, so I'm gonna give myself Friday and Saturday evenings for some good viewing time. I think by restricting myself I will choose what I watch a bit more wisely! And of course, bringing in some more challenges, I would like to continue to monitor my bitching and moaning, and to limit my spending. But I don't think I'm going to set any solid rules on that - just try and keep it in mind every day.

So there we have it! Those are my rules and guidelines for my Ultra-Super-Duper-Awesome-Mega-Challenge (the official title). It's a big one. I'm essentially trying to throw myself into being the busiest and most productive (and therefore, I think, best and happiest) version of myself. I'm trying to see if I could maintain all these habits properly, and build a lifestyle wildly different to the one I started with this time last year. It's a bit scary to be honest, but in a good way!

Now I'm under no illusion that I will manage to keep this up every day. If a trip to the cinema or a dinner with friends stops me from getting everything done, then so be it. This challenge is not about ticking every day off, it's about carving a realistic lifestyle for myself, and that includes random changes of plan! That's why this is probably going to be the hardest challenge for me to keep track of, but I have faith that if I really commit myself I'll do it. Most of all, I just hope that this challenge turns out as well as I want it to, and gives me that 'I'm so happy to be moving forward' buzz I've had from so many of my other challenges. There's a lot riding on this one! I'm excited.

Here is hoping for a fantastic month to end a truly fantastic year.

30 days left....

Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

I have Officially Failed a Challenge

Yep, I am defeated. At over 36000 words, I had to call it a day on the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel in thirty days (also known as NaNoWriMo) 

The reasons for this are as long as a piece of string but I will attempt to keep it concise.

When I started, I knew this was going to be a tough month. I’m currently in rehearsals for two shows, one of which is ‘Rent’ (which, if you don’t know it, is a very intense and long musical) and therefore my spare time is pretty much nothing. So I was filling it almost entirely with writing. The first two weeks were fine, I managed to balance it out ok. But at the start of this week I realised that I was going to have to put a lot more time outside of rehearsals into the shows. My options were either to stop NaNoWriMo or essentially not sleep in order to get everything done.

Honestly, for a few days I tried the no sleep thing. And I looked a bit like this.

I was getting up an hour early and going to bed sometimes two hours late. But it was worth it to get that word count up, right?? Well, the thing is, when I’m tired the quality of my work, both writing and at uni, is not do good. So what’s the point?

The phrase ‘what’s the point’ started to come up a lot in my head.

The topic of my novel requires me to do quite a bit of research. I can’t do the research because I only just have enough time to do the writing bit and get my word count up. So I was skipping over sections because I really couldn’t write them.

At first, I had really enjoyed what I was writing. But the more pressure there was on me, the more I was just writing anything to get my word count up. The novel actually ended up going in a direction that I really didn’t want it to go in, but I didn’t have time to go back and review it and change it. So I was just writing something I didn’t really believe in.

Because of the pressure on my time, I had given up exercise and meditation. I wasn’t blogging any more. I was spending almost no time socialising. Even my lunch breaks became time to write. My life had lost the balance I’ve been working hard to create in the last five months.

Thus far, I had managed to not let my uni work suffer. However, the work load just got a lot more intense and I knew that if I want to keep up to the working standard I have always upheld at uni, I was going to need more time. There was no doubt in my mind that this challenge was going to have a negative impact on my degree if I continued with it, and I really am not going to allow that to happen.

The reason I was so determined to write this novel now, and not another month, is because I didn’t just want it to be ‘I’m writing a novel in 30 days.’ I wanted to actively take part in NaNoWriMo, so that I would be part of an online writing community, who were all facing the challenge together. But because I didn’t have time, I wasn’t using it at all. I went on the website about twice. So now, I really was just writing a novel in 30 days, there was no other element to it. I could have done it any month, and any month would have been better than this. 

All these things combined, really, what’s the point?

Of course there was a part of me who was very fiercely fighting against all this.

‘You haven’t failed a challenge yet.’

‘You know you can do this you just need to get through it’

‘A bad novel is better than no novel at all.’

But that side of me, ultimately, lost. I sat down at my keyboard and all the reasons as to why I shouldn’t be doing this anymore kept flooding into my brain and made me incapable of writing any more. I thought I could get past the lack of sleep, the lack of socialising, the lack of meditation and exercise and other things that I love. I really thought I could get past that just for ten more days. But there was one thing I couldn't get past.

Thus far, I had managed to not let my uni work suffer. However, the work load just got a lot more intense and I knew that if I want to keep up to the working standard I have always upheld at uni, I was going to need more time. There was no doubt in my mind that this challenge was going to have a negative impact on my degree if I continued with it, and I really was not going to allow that to happen.

The challenge had become a pretty bitter experience for me, and so I had to stop.

So I made the decision to give up on NaNoWriMo. I had a good old cry to myself (genuinely) but then spent the rest of the day feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And that’s how I know I made the right decision.

There are a lot of positives that have come out of the experience, and I’m gonna save them for a whole different blog post. For now I’m just happy to be sleeping again. 

The Hard Work of Happiness

Yesterday I went to bed feeling like utter shite.

I had had a pretty good day really, went out for a lovely meal with a friend and had a great time. Then I came back home and went into a downward spiral of eugh. I flopped like a sack of potatoes and ended up breaking my challenge rules and scrolling on facebook - which didn't help one bit. Before I went to bed I tried to do some writing and just couldn't focus at all. It was the first time I had felt so rubbish in a long time. 

So I thought to myself, why?

Over the last few months I have been learning little tricks to my own well being. Healthy eating, exercise, mediation, using time productively, juggling, keeping my space nice and tidy. Having spent most of the day eating crappy food and procrastinating, and now sitting in my bomb-site of a room, I realised what the problem was. I hadn't ticked anything off my 'Happy Ellie Check-list'. It was the first time in a long while I hadn't done any of it. In fact, I had actively ticked off some of the things on my 'Sad Ellie Check-list' - crappy food, mindless procrastination, messiness, laziness. All of these habits are so easy to slip into but they do me no good! I thought of one of my recent blog posts and realised I needed to give myself some TLC.

So I set my alarm nice and early and got up with an aim to actively improve my mood. I worked out, I stretched, I made myself a really healthy breakfast and packed lunch, I meditated, I tidied my room. Just ten minutes into the work out and I already felt better. Now, having had my lovely lunch, I feel back to normal! 

In a way, I'm glad yesterday happened. It was a gentle reminder that I am in charge of my own well being. Happiness is hard work. It doesn't come easily. You have to chip away at it every day. But when the results are so rewarding, it doesn't feel like hard work any more. It just feels right. Getting up early for a work out doesn't feel like a chore, because I know it will make me feel good for the rest of the day. Meditating is such a part of my routine now that I feel really unfocussed and out of sorts without it. Strangely enough, the days in which I don't put in the effort and just laze around actually feel like much harder work, because trying to be in a good mood without any of my mood boosters in nigh on impossible! Time drags, each moment feels like an effort to live through. And then the procrastination spiral begins: distracting myself from my own bad mood.

I think one of the reasons this happened yesterday is because I had a day off. Usually I have a schedule. Let's say I have uni, I will make sure I set my alarm so that I can get a work out and a mediation session in before I go in. If I don't do it in the morning I won't do it at all, so I make sure I get it done. Yesterday I didn't need to set an alarm, and there was nowhere I needed to be, so those usual morning tasks got pushed back and then forgotten completely. On a day when could have achieved so much with all my spare time, I actually achieved very little. It's funny, I am so much more productive when I have less time on my hands!

So what can I learn from this? For some people, a lazy day in front of the TV with a pizza and a tub of iced cream is exactly what they need once in a while. But I know that that doesn't work for me. I need a bit of a routine, I need a schedule, I need tasks and goals. I like being busy. It makes me feel good. Most of the time Uni keeps me busy but sometimes it doesn't. And then it's up to me. If I want to get that little 'yeah, life is great' feeling then I need to keep myself occupied. Make plans, make my own little schedules, set my own goals. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And my well being and happiness is my responsibility. It's up to me to make it happen. 

So from this point on, I am dedicated to putting in the hard work that is needed to make myself feel good every single day. Because if there's one thing I can draw from this entire challenge experience, it's that happiness is worth the hard work. 

Seven days left till the next adventure.