My Final Challenge

Hello folks!

So I started this year of challenges in June and it is now May - so we know what that means! This challenge is my final challenge of the year. So let's make it a goodun. Technically I should have started this on friday - but the last few days have been a bit hectic and I wanted to get off to a good start, so I am starting tomorrow instead!

These are the challenges I have completed (or at least attempted) thus far:

Juggle every day
Give up refined sugar
Exercise every day
Write something creative every day
Meditate every day
Cut down on TV and Facebook every day

Write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days

Give up on gossiping, bitching, moaning and criticizing for thirty day.

Practice violin every day.

Spend only eighty pounds in thirty days

Read every day

Take a photos and keep a diary every day

(Technically that's my One Year Twelve Challenges done, as I did two the first month! But hey, let's stick one last one in there anyway.)

Looking back on everything I've done this year I feel a bit like this:

And now just one more to go! I really want to end the year with something special - go out with a bang.

A lot of these challenges were about creating habits. Some of which have stuck with me (now in my fifth month of not eating sugar!!) and some of which haven't (that pesky violin practice went as quickly as it came). I've learned a lot about myself and what kind of person I want to be through these challenges, and I want to make this last month a sort of mega-challenge. I want to combine some of my favorite challenges together, and try and start creating a routine that includes them all.

So here are the things I really want to include in this challenge:

Exercise
Meditation
Poetry writing
Violin practice
Juggling practice
Reading
Keeping a journal

(I would include not eating sugar in that list, but I've managed to keep that up anyway, so I wouldn't consider it a challenge any more.)

So these are all things that I really want to make a regular part of my lifestyle. If I've learned anything this year it is that I am at my happiest when I am being productive, and so I want to start pushing myself in all these areas. The tricky part has been trying to figure out how to fit it all in!

This challenge happens to be falling in my very last month of Drama School! What a perfect month to end my challenges on, just before I step out into the big wide world. I am hardly in for lectures any more, but I do have a pretty hefty project to be getting on with - my business plan. So even when I am not in for uni, I am pretty much considering my time from 9 - 5 my 'office hours' - where I dedicate my time to business plan, applying for jobs, and projects. So I need to find time for all of this challenge stuff in my mornings and evenings. Here is what I have in mind...

Exercise and Meditation

I know that I am at my best both physically and mentally when I make time for both of these things every day. Since both of these challenges I have kept them both up to a certain extent - but I want to go back to doing them both daily. Time wise, I think it would be reasonable to fit in half an hour of strength training and stretching, and half an hour of meditation every morning. I'd also like to fit in cardio a couple of times a week, perhaps when I can afford to start 'office hours' a little later in the day. Right now I'm avoiding running because I have very sore knees, but there's always zumba!

Poetry Writing, Violin Practice, Juggling and Reading

So essentially, these are my hobbies and skills. If I want to improve in my violin and juggling I need to practice regularly! And if I want to progress with my writing I need to push myself to write and read as often as possible. But what to do? I can't do them all every day. So I've decided to alternate between violin and juggling each night. It'll be the first thing I do when I get home from uni, practice for half an hour. As for writing and reading... well, I always have a book in my bag for whenever I'm in the bus or just have ten minutes to myself. That seems to work pretty well, it's aided me in reading a few more books since my reading challenge in march finished! I also take my poetry book everywhere, but that doesn't necessarily mean I write in it that often. So to aid me in writing a bit more, I just want to spend a few minutes each day, whether on my lunch break or maybe just before going to bed, jotting some ideas down. Then, over the weekend I must turn one of my ideas into a fully formed poem. A poem a week sounds reasonable I think!

Keeping a Journal

I wanted to include this because I want to use it to keep myself going. This is potentially my hardest challenge yet. It's going to be tricky to keep track of everything and keep motivated! But I think if I organise my thoughts every evening, even if its as simple as writing down my tasks for the next day, I think it could be a real help to me.

Some other thoughts...

I'll sort of be going back to my challenge of avoiding TV so that I can fit all this in. I'm definitely cool with that! As I whole I definitely watch less TV now than I did before, and I really don't miss it! That being said, you should always make time for some good films and documentaries, so I'm gonna give myself Friday and Saturday evenings for some good viewing time. I think by restricting myself I will choose what I watch a bit more wisely! And of course, bringing in some more challenges, I would like to continue to monitor my bitching and moaning, and to limit my spending. But I don't think I'm going to set any solid rules on that - just try and keep it in mind every day.

So there we have it! Those are my rules and guidelines for my Ultra-Super-Duper-Awesome-Mega-Challenge (the official title). It's a big one. I'm essentially trying to throw myself into being the busiest and most productive (and therefore, I think, best and happiest) version of myself. I'm trying to see if I could maintain all these habits properly, and build a lifestyle wildly different to the one I started with this time last year. It's a bit scary to be honest, but in a good way!

Now I'm under no illusion that I will manage to keep this up every day. If a trip to the cinema or a dinner with friends stops me from getting everything done, then so be it. This challenge is not about ticking every day off, it's about carving a realistic lifestyle for myself, and that includes random changes of plan! That's why this is probably going to be the hardest challenge for me to keep track of, but I have faith that if I really commit myself I'll do it. Most of all, I just hope that this challenge turns out as well as I want it to, and gives me that 'I'm so happy to be moving forward' buzz I've had from so many of my other challenges. There's a lot riding on this one! I'm excited.

Here is hoping for a fantastic month to end a truly fantastic year.

30 days left....

The Photo Diary Challenge

Happy Easter Everybody!

I didn't really announce this challenge and I am now six days in, but actually I think it's worked out quite well because now I have something to show you.

I was looking at this list of challenges that accompanies the ted talk that inspired me to start this whole thing. It was good to look at it again. I wish I had looked more because there are some on the list that I wish I had tried this year, but never mind I have forever to try them :) Some I think I am not quite brave enough for (talking to a stranger everyday for example!) but maybe that's a good reason to do them.

Anyway, I had a scan and I saw 'take a photo every day' and I thought brilliant! I can put my new camera phone to good use! It also reminded me of the 365 day photo challenge I see on facebook, which I really like. I think it's a really nice way for people to share their lives with eachother and also get a little creative. Then I saw 'keep a journal' - something I attempted to do in my youth but never stuck with, and I thought why not. So I've combined the two and I am doing a photo diary each day.

Here are the rules:

No Selfies

This is not me saying I hate selfies. Far from it. I think selfies are good fun. But I just don't want to use them in this challenge because I want it to be 'look at what I've seen and experienced today' not 'look at me with this cool thing'. So no selfies. And also, I have to take the photos myself, so basically I am not going to be in the photos.

The Journal Section is Not for Public Reading

I may occasionally post some extracts on here, but I'm being very careful when I write the journal NOT to think of it as something someone else is going to read. Over this year, this blog has essentially become my journal, but obviously when I write it I'm writing it for other people to read. This is just for me. Now, as a fairly open person, I don't have any deep and dark secrets that I desperately need to confess to a journal. However I want to see if there is anything in having a little written self reflection every day. I'm actually fairly cynical on the idea (which I don't think most people would expect!) I'm really not sure if there's much use or good in keeping a journal, but I have never really done it regularly, so I'm putting it to the test.

And so, here is my photo of the week: Which is actually todays photo, because I wanted to share with you the madness of easter in my house.

Ok. So basically, we are big children and my mum is one too. And she loves buying us this stuff. Like, she really goes in on it. We get more now than when we were little (because let's face it giving a kid this amount of chocolate would be a baaaaad idea.

There are three piles, me, my sister, and our lovely friend Ailish who we've known since we were babies and we spend nearly every easter with. Usually the piles would be identical but this year there is one hilarious difference. Because I loved my no sugar challenge so much, I have committed to it for a full year now. Which means no chocolate today. So that pile on the right, full of fruit and nuts and nakd bars, is for me. I love my mum. She is actually the greatest person.

Hope you all have a lovely easter, and I'll post some more photos soon!

Twenty four days to go

X

Reading Vs Watching T.V (and other news)

Good morning my lovelies!

I'm feeling particularly chipper today and I'm going to put it down to the breakfast I just had. I seriously recommend it!! Grate a small apple and half a beetroot into a saucepan and cook up with a smidgen of butter. Then add a sliced banana and stir a little. Mix in five tablespoons of oats and a heaped teaspoon of cocoa powder. Add sufficient milk/milk substitute and leave to bubble. Top with flaked almonds. You will have a deliciously dark purple porridge that will fill you to the brim and make you feel fantastic. Just like this.

You KNOW she had a good breakfast.

Anyway, back to the vocabulary challenge :) I have been doing my half an hour stint on vocabulary.com daily (although sometimes I only manage twenty minutes - it can be rather grueling) and I think it's helpful. It's made me start to look at how words are constructed, which means I can now start to work out what a word means when I've never heard it before. Nailing down the words is mostly a process of repetition, and aside from some website issues (quite a few of the multiple choice questions don't really have a correct answer, more like a synonym than a definition) I think it works pretty well. It's reignited my interest in language and words which is always nice.

The 'word of the day' story I am not so happy with. I thought giving myself a whole paragraph per word would make it more challenging, but actually it's making it easier for me to skate around to make sense of the wacky words I am using - resulting in something much less fun than I intended. So I have decided to back peddle a bit and do one line per word - which should mean I end up with a fun, nonsensical very short story/poem that is a bit less contrived. So I need to go back and do that for the eight words I have so far, and then from today I shall stick with that plan.

The reading element of my challenge is FANTASTIC! Reading is one of my favorite things to do, but often at the end of the day it seems so much easier to just switch on the telly. But as I learned from October's Challenge of Cutting Down TV and Facebook, watching T.V can drain so much time, when you could have been achieving things! And too much sitting around and staring at the screen can make you feel A Bit Shitty.

Now I am a great lover of good T.V and Cinema, but it's all about finding that balance, and sometimes I think you have to give yourself a little push and say 'no, I'm gonna read instead.' A lot of the time it just feels like you don't want to put in the extra effort that reading requires. But in fact, once you get going, it's really not that hard! It's like running - the hardest part is putting on your shoes and getting out of the door. Motivation is key.

Unfortunately, since October, I have fallen easily into watching T.V again. But this challenge, forcing me to read, has reminded me that ultimately I would like to end up spending more of my 'down time' reading than watching T.V. Why? Because it's simply better for your brain. It's actually more relaxing. It might not seem like it at first: but here is why.

The phrase 'T.V rots your brain' might seem like a parental trick to get us moving - akin to 'eating your crusts gives you curly hair' (My sister always ate her crusts and I didn't for a long time. My hair is curly and hers is straight. MYTH BUSTED) but actually it's a pretty accurate description. When you watch T.V you are allowing your brain to make almost no effort. You're kind of vegetating. And the brain is sort of like a muscle in that it needs to be put to good use to develop further. So any form of vegetating should really be kept to a minimum.

But we all need a rest now and again, right? The problem is, watching T.V isn't really rest. When you sleep, your brain is getting proper rest and time to recuperate. But when you watch T.V, your brain might not be doing much work but it IS being stimulated. The flashing colours and lights are creating a little chemical party in your head. If you watch too much T.V, you get used to the lightening fast stimulation, and you adjust yourself to it, resulting in a shorter attention span overall.

I myself experienced this yesterday. I had a really productive morning, and then I watched some T.V over lunch and suddenly my focus was all over the place. Not good.

The most significant thing T.V does to your brain chemically is it suppresses your Melatonin. Melatonin is basically a hormone that helps you to sleep. Any kind of light suppresses it. That's why it's so much easier to wake up in the summer when the sun is out. It means that we as humans are diurnal animals - we sleep in the dark and are active in the day. But studies have shown that blue light - light from laptop screens, phones and other electronics, is even more effective at suppressing Melatonin, which makes it harder to sleep in the hours after you've been exposed to it. This is not good news for people who's evening routine involves a lot of T.V - their version of 'rest' is actually having a negative impact on their real rest.

Most of us will be effected by this because the last thing we do is set our alarms on our phones. I've been told a good method is to plan what time you're going to bed, and an hour before set  your alarm so it's done, and turn off all your electrics. It's supposed to really improve your quality of sleep. I can believe this actually, some of the best sleeps of my life have been when I've been camping and have had no electronics around. Worth a try, I reckon.

Anyway, that's the downside of T.V. Now for the benefits of books.

Books stimulate your mind in a different way, You are gently working your brain when you read, but only mildly, like a nice stroll in the park. This means you can both relax and strengthen your brain at the same time. And you're getting much the same entertainment value (if not more) as when you watch T.V. There is no story told on film that hasn't also been written down in some way. And with books, you need to use your imagination a little bit too.

So it seems that if you replaced all your T.V time with reading time, you would still have had some entertainment and escapism, AND you would also have a better exercised and therefore better functioning brain, better quality sleep, a wider vocabulary, and a strengthened imagination. Reading really is coming out on top here.

HOWEVER. I am not for a minute suggesting that anyone forgoes all T.V and Film and replaces it all with books. Like I say, it's all about balance. There are some things books can not do. If, like me, you love a visual story with good direction, script writing, cinematography, maybe some animation and some cracking acting, then you need to watch some T.V and Film.

But perhaps that should be a checklist. Quality control. Twin Peaks (my current favourite show) certainly ticks some of those boxes. Eastenders? Not so much. But maybe it does for some people. Each to their own.

My point is, if you are going to put up with all the negative effects of T.V, then you should at least make sure that what your watching is worth it. If not, and all you want is a bit of relaxing entertainment. Then pick up that book. You're much better off.

Because basically, books are ace.

Twenty more days!

Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

The Hard Work of Happiness

Yesterday I went to bed feeling like utter shite.

I had had a pretty good day really, went out for a lovely meal with a friend and had a great time. Then I came back home and went into a downward spiral of eugh. I flopped like a sack of potatoes and ended up breaking my challenge rules and scrolling on facebook - which didn't help one bit. Before I went to bed I tried to do some writing and just couldn't focus at all. It was the first time I had felt so rubbish in a long time. 

So I thought to myself, why?

Over the last few months I have been learning little tricks to my own well being. Healthy eating, exercise, mediation, using time productively, juggling, keeping my space nice and tidy. Having spent most of the day eating crappy food and procrastinating, and now sitting in my bomb-site of a room, I realised what the problem was. I hadn't ticked anything off my 'Happy Ellie Check-list'. It was the first time in a long while I hadn't done any of it. In fact, I had actively ticked off some of the things on my 'Sad Ellie Check-list' - crappy food, mindless procrastination, messiness, laziness. All of these habits are so easy to slip into but they do me no good! I thought of one of my recent blog posts and realised I needed to give myself some TLC.

So I set my alarm nice and early and got up with an aim to actively improve my mood. I worked out, I stretched, I made myself a really healthy breakfast and packed lunch, I meditated, I tidied my room. Just ten minutes into the work out and I already felt better. Now, having had my lovely lunch, I feel back to normal! 

In a way, I'm glad yesterday happened. It was a gentle reminder that I am in charge of my own well being. Happiness is hard work. It doesn't come easily. You have to chip away at it every day. But when the results are so rewarding, it doesn't feel like hard work any more. It just feels right. Getting up early for a work out doesn't feel like a chore, because I know it will make me feel good for the rest of the day. Meditating is such a part of my routine now that I feel really unfocussed and out of sorts without it. Strangely enough, the days in which I don't put in the effort and just laze around actually feel like much harder work, because trying to be in a good mood without any of my mood boosters in nigh on impossible! Time drags, each moment feels like an effort to live through. And then the procrastination spiral begins: distracting myself from my own bad mood.

I think one of the reasons this happened yesterday is because I had a day off. Usually I have a schedule. Let's say I have uni, I will make sure I set my alarm so that I can get a work out and a mediation session in before I go in. If I don't do it in the morning I won't do it at all, so I make sure I get it done. Yesterday I didn't need to set an alarm, and there was nowhere I needed to be, so those usual morning tasks got pushed back and then forgotten completely. On a day when could have achieved so much with all my spare time, I actually achieved very little. It's funny, I am so much more productive when I have less time on my hands!

So what can I learn from this? For some people, a lazy day in front of the TV with a pizza and a tub of iced cream is exactly what they need once in a while. But I know that that doesn't work for me. I need a bit of a routine, I need a schedule, I need tasks and goals. I like being busy. It makes me feel good. Most of the time Uni keeps me busy but sometimes it doesn't. And then it's up to me. If I want to get that little 'yeah, life is great' feeling then I need to keep myself occupied. Make plans, make my own little schedules, set my own goals. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And my well being and happiness is my responsibility. It's up to me to make it happen. 

So from this point on, I am dedicated to putting in the hard work that is needed to make myself feel good every single day. Because if there's one thing I can draw from this entire challenge experience, it's that happiness is worth the hard work. 

Seven days left till the next adventure. 

How to love yourself: Finding your Inner Child

Today I’m doing something slightly different. This post isn’t so much about my current challenge, but about the new philosophy and attitude to life I have adopted since starting this whole thing. I am on a journey towards true self love – and this is my theory on how to get there.

Imagine you have a child.

Some of you may not have to imagine.

How would you treat this child of yours?

Would you feed them junk food every day? Would you starve them? Or make sure they have a balanced, nutritious diet?

Would you let them sit in front of the TV/computer every day and night? Or would you make sure they get outside and get exercise so that they can be fit and strong?

Would you let them get bored? Or would you give them stimulating activities to do? Would you limit their experience of the world, or encourage them to explore it? Would you teach them nothing, or help them to learn?

When that child makes a mistake, would you punish them endlessly? Or would you help them learn and move on?

When that child feels sad, would you let them wallow and indulge or would you try to cheer them up? When something bad happens to them, would you blame them for it? Or would you help them through it?

Basically what I’m asking is: if you had a child to look after, would you neglect that child? Or would you treat it with love and kindness. I’m sure you’re all thinking the latter.

We all know how to love other people, whether it’s children, friends, family, even pets. We know how we should treat them. But we don’t seem to know how to treat ourselves.

If a child is neglected they start to think that they are worthless. They blame themselves. They become unhappy, unhealthy people. They cannot love themselves because they don’t know love. But when a child is loved they can feel it. They start recognize their own value, because they see how much they are valued by others.

Now I think you know where I’m going with this.

If you want to feel happy, you have to treat yourself with the love and care that you would treat that child with. Eat well, exercise, find balance between work and play, encourage yourself to learn more and experience more, stimulate your brain, forgive yourself when you make mistakes, do things that make you feel good. And by good I mean genuinely good, not ‘this is gonna hurt tomorrow good’ (although there’s room for that sometimes – indulgences are good too!)

If you don’t treat yourself with love, you won’t feel like you deserve it. If you don’t treat yourself with respect, you won’t feel like you deserve it. Happiness comes from within, and you are the only person who can make that happen. So find that inner child, and stop neglecting them.

As for the challenge – I am finding myself spending a lot less time vegetating and a lot more time thinking, feeling, doing, talking, writing. I think we can expect more posts like this this month.

Twenty four more days. 

Some Self Reflection

So I’ve been meditating for a month now. And of course, that has made me think a lot and reflect on life somewhat. I genuinely think some really positive changes have begun to take place.

No matter what is going on, no matter how stressed or upset or angry or tired I might be, I have found a way to start each day in a good head space. And it makes such a difference. I’ve been timing it well so that I get up, shower and eat and get ready, and then the last thing I do before I leave is meditate. Then I walk out of the door feeling great. Starting your day in a positive way is so important, and I feel like it really influences how I am going to deal with anything that happens that day. I can approach life with a smile, which is exactly how it should be.

Thought it had been a while since I used an adorable cat to make us all get squishy in our feels.

I worry less now, which is amazing. I am such a worrier it’s unbelievable, but I’ve started to let things go a lot easier and just focus on what’s really important. I think it’s because when I come out of a meditation session I feel so good that I can really evaluate my ‘problems’ and see that they are just blips, and that spending time worrying over them does nothing. Most of my worrying involves regret – ‘I should have done more work last night’ or ‘I shouldn’t have said that thing to that person’ – but I am really learning now to forgive myself any of these little hiccups, learn from it and move on. It sounds cheesy, but life really is too short for that stuff.

I have a new habit and I think it might be something to do with meditation. I am very tidy now. Like – everything has its proper place and I make my bed every single day kind of tidy. In the 22 years that I have been alive, this has never happened for more than three days in a row. Now it’s been thirty. Whuuuuut? When I moved back into my Birmingham house, obviously I unpacked everything to its proper place and made the room look nice – didn’t want to get off to a bad start! But usually what would happen is that during the week everything would get moved and not put back, my clothes would litter the floor and my bed would have no attention paid to it whatsoever. Then I discovered that after meditation, when I had worked so hard to clear my head, if I opened my eyes to clutter I would feel like this:

Which is not ideal. So I would immediately tidy it up. I realized that if my space is out of balance, I feel out of balance, and so I dedicate a teeny tiny part of my day, less than a minute, to making my room look tidy each morning. Which is much more efficient than letting it get messy and then spending half a day sorting it.

In fact, I think efficiency is the main thing I have gained from this experience. When I have a problem I don’t waste time worrying about it, I just fix it and move on. And by being willing to fix little problems and do little things every day, rather than letting my responsibilities build, I don’t have that moment when I feel like everything’s on top of me and I’m going to get crushed under the weight of it all. Everything just feels so much simpler and easier now.

Most of all, I have learned the importance of taking time for yourself, every day. We all claim not to have enough time for that, but often that simply isn’t true. The truth is we don’t prioritize ourselves. There are 24 hours in each day, and you probably spend about 16 of them awake. Surely within those 16 hours you can find half an hour for just yourself? I think if you want to be happy you need to treat yourself with the love and kindness you treat others with. And that means making time for just you, and no one else. Just half an hour a day. Since I have discovered meditation, I think that that is a great use of that half an hour. It works perfectly for me. But it could be something else: reading a book, practicing a skill, exercise, doing a puzzle. Just something that you love and that is good for you.

That last part is important, and why I personally wouldn’t count watching TV as valuable ‘me time’. It’s an indulgence I think everyone should enjoy from time to time, but ultimately it’s vegetation, and I don’t think you get as much out of it as you would with any of the other things I have mentioned.

Earlier I talked about efficiency. Well there is one area in which I think I am still very inefficient. I have an addiction, and that addiction is TV and facebook. And as I say, I don’t think spending time watching TV is very valuable. And scrolling mindlessly through facebook, getting caught up in silly quizzes and stuff definitely isn’t valuable. I don’t think it does much for my mental health. I as a person don’t like the idea of being addicted to anything, and so I wish to get rid of this addiction. And so that’s what my next challenge is gonna be all about, making the time in my life more valuable by cutting down on the things that eat my time and don’t do anything for me. More detail on that tomorrow.

In the meantime, yes I am going to keep meditating. Its doing me so much good, and I like to feel good! Again, I’m going to be cheesy here and sign off with an inspirational life quote (this is an Ellie original…)

Happiness is an art. It takes time, dedication and work. But what you get back from it is beautiful.

Have a lovely day everybody.

Ten random things to know if you're taking up regular exercise

I'm sure some of this stuff you have seen before - but if it helps for it to come from a very regular girl just trying to get fitter rather than a hot shot fitness expert then at least that's something. Here are some things I think are good to know if you are taking up regular exercise. And some Bridget Jones pictures just for good measure.

1. You can both push yourself AND know your limits.

It's a fine art, it really is. I would love to do 10k runs three to four times a week, but my dodgy joints mean I simply cannot. But that’s not to say that soon I won’t be able to do 10k twice a week! I just need to work up to that, slowly. It’s when you push yourself too hard that you end up giving up completely. I know this because I myself in the past have gone in to regimes full throttle, failed quickly, and then cried and ate ice cream.

This time is different. I have eased myself in –setting myself realistic goals, and then as soon as that goal is achieved I bump it up a notch, but only a little. Just a little bit further or faster, just one more set of reps. This feeling of moving forward is its own reward.

And if right now running for five minutes is your limit? That’s fine!! Never be ashamed of something like that – as long as you are working hard you will reap the benefits. Once upon a time I couldn't do a single push up – my limit was one. But I kept trying and now I can do about fifteen to twenty. That’s still not a lot, but it’s fifteen times more than I could do before, and I know that I am pushing myself as hard as I can and that’s all that matters.

2. Don’t make excuses - Push through the pain.

Unless you’re actually injured, pain is not an excuse to just not exercise at all. During week one my muscles were aching a lot – so each day I worked around that and found something I could do. Leg’s hurting? Let’s focus on abs today then. Abs now hurt? Ok, hard-core run then. And if EVERYTHING hurts – go for a gentle jog and do some stretches – it won’t kill you and will probably help ease you out a bit. Once you have pushed through the pain you will find you can suddenly perform a lot better than before. If you give up, that won’t happen.

3. You will never be so clean in your life.

Ok you might be very clean already, so maybe this would make little difference – but I was generally the person who just kind of let the shower water wash over me with a bit of soap and not much effort. Now, because I need to scrub the sweat out of my pores to avoid the dreaded back acne that most runners get, I have become a full on exfoliating machine in the shower! And of course I need to shower every day now, so my skin has never been so smooth and polished. It’s quite nice really, I can see why grooming appeals so much!

4. Your appetite will change.

Of course it will, you are giving your metabolism a massive kick up the arse. If you’re trying to lose a lot of weight then you gotta watch out for this, it’s all too easy to replace the fat you’ve worked so hard to burn. If not, I say go with your gut and top up those calories – just try and do it with good healthy foods and you can’t really go wrong (I think I’m pushing ten fruit/veg portions a day at the moment!)

5. Your body will change, but not necessarily the way you want it to.

I dream of perfect slim thighs that most trousers will just slide over. That is the ultimate fantasy for me. When I started this challenge I thought ‘I don’t need to lose any more from my torso, so my legs will start slimming down soon’ – nope. I have continued to shrink in the parts that I thought were pretty slim already, and my thighs have stubbornly remained. I am now a slightly smaller boobed, skinny armed, chunky thighed individual – which I did not hope for really. I am eating enough to maintain my weight, so maybe with some work my thighs will take a slightly better shape, but get smaller? Probably not gonna happen. But you know what? I’m ok with this, because….

6. More importantly your attitude to your body will change.

Once upon a time ‘diet and exercise’ was simply something I would do to get thin. I changed that when I gave up sugar – yes I did get slimmer but the amazing feeling I got from being sugar free was the real reward. The same applies here. Slimmer thighs? Pfffft. My legs are strong, they can take me places, they can run lovely long distances, they can sprint. They are perfect as they are. The stronger I get, the better I feel – and the way I look really does rank second. Also, the more you exercise, the more you realise your body IS YOU. You are not a separate entity from your body. So when you say ‘I hate my body’ you are really just saying ‘I hate me’ and that is not healthy. The more you nurture, care for and respect your body the more you will come to love it. It’s the only one you’ve got, so yes, love your body. LOVE IT LIKE THESE TWO LOVE EACH OTHER.

7. You will need to do a lot of clothes washing.

I am burning through pants and socks. Seriously. Because, you know, you don’t wanna put those back on... Just beware of this one because I nearly ran out and had to wear the back up pants (we all have them). I know it seems stupid, but it’s valid.

8. You really can make time for exercise.

I've made the ‘I don’t have time’ excuse so many times in my life – and yet I still managed to watch a fair amount of TV. Seriously. Just do it. And if you choose not to do it, be realistic and say ‘I just don’t feel like it today’ – don’t lie and say you don’t have time. Because I bet most of the time you do. One tip I would give is get it done first thing in the morning, and then it’s done. I know if I had planned evening work outs I would be forgoing them for spontaneous social events, so just do it in the morning and then you can’t back out. 

9. Stretching works!

No really! It does! It just works reeeeeeeeeally slowly. But honestly one day you can just suddenly do something you couldn’t do before and it’s like ‘when did this happen?’ and then it feels great. Just persevere with it.

10. You get out what you put in.

Sometimes I put on my Zumba dvds, I do the moves, I get a fairly good work out and then it’s done. Other times I really go for it, really trying on the extensions, adding power and attitude to the dance moves, and squeezing my muscles with all my might on the toning exercises, and I come out of the same work out dvd completely dripping. It feels good. I forgive myself for the days I don’t try all that hard, but I also aim to always put in 100% because I know I will get so much more from it that way. It’s more fun too. 

So, in short: exercise is good. Love yourself. And if all else fails watch Bridget Jones and have a really good giggle.

Ten days to go!

Continuing the Journey

So I have reached Day Thirty.

For the past thirty days I have avoided eating anything that contains added sugar, and practiced juggling for at least half an hour.

How did I do?

Well, I had precisely three 'fail' days with the no sugar challenge (graduation ball dinner, the epic brownie, and the cast meal) and yet I don't think of myself as having failed the challenge at all. I think if I had the attitude of 'once you've broken the rules you've failed the challenge' I wouldn't have bothered to see it through till the end. It doesn't really matter what trip ups I have along the way, as long as the challenge has a positive outcome - which it has. I have been leading a much healthier lifestyle for the last month, I've lost weight, my skin has become super clear, my mood is fantastic and pretty darn consistent. I am a happier person for having done this challenge. So no, I don't see any failure here.

Similar situation with the juggling challenge. During my show week I had three days where I was simply too busy rehearsing and performing, so I didn't get my juggling time in. But I now have a new hobby which I love, and to be honest I will continue to practice it indefinitely! So skipping a few days here and there is not a problem. I can now say with confidence that I can do the 'cascade' (the basic juggling pattern) AND I am happy to announce that I am now moving on to juggling tricks and picking them up fairly well.

The whole point of these challenges is to bring positive changes to my life, and to not let the time just drift away. One month in, and I am healthier, happier and have a new skill! Achievement: unlocked.

So now these challenges are almost over: where do I go from here?

I have no doubt that I will keep juggling up, as I have become rather obsessive. The sugar thing is an interesting one. I have a little stash of chocolate and biscuits waiting for me, but I don't want to go straight back to binging! I shall try my best to spread them out. To be honest, the thing I'm most looking forward to is a bit of toast!

I also return to work at a chocolate themed attraction tomorrow, where I will be surrounded by temptation. It's going to be tough to not return to old habits. The truth is, I would love to keep cutting sugar out, just with a few exceptions. I don't want to worry about it when I go out for a meal, for example, because it cuts out most of the menu options. And I can't say I never want another pudding! But I do want to take this new, healthier lifestyle forward because the benefits of it are just outstanding. I think the best thing for me to do is try my best to keep this new habit up most of the time, and if it all spirals out of control I shall simply have to go cold turkey again! One thing I do know, this challenge has completely changed my attitude to food. I now know that biscuits, although delicious, won't really make me happy.

And of course, looking forward, I have had to think about what my next challenge will be. And I shall be announcing that tomorrow! Very exited to be adding more positive experiences to my life.

Here's to my final day of this challenge, and to forming new habits!