Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

The Hard Work of Happiness

Yesterday I went to bed feeling like utter shite.

I had had a pretty good day really, went out for a lovely meal with a friend and had a great time. Then I came back home and went into a downward spiral of eugh. I flopped like a sack of potatoes and ended up breaking my challenge rules and scrolling on facebook - which didn't help one bit. Before I went to bed I tried to do some writing and just couldn't focus at all. It was the first time I had felt so rubbish in a long time. 

So I thought to myself, why?

Over the last few months I have been learning little tricks to my own well being. Healthy eating, exercise, mediation, using time productively, juggling, keeping my space nice and tidy. Having spent most of the day eating crappy food and procrastinating, and now sitting in my bomb-site of a room, I realised what the problem was. I hadn't ticked anything off my 'Happy Ellie Check-list'. It was the first time in a long while I hadn't done any of it. In fact, I had actively ticked off some of the things on my 'Sad Ellie Check-list' - crappy food, mindless procrastination, messiness, laziness. All of these habits are so easy to slip into but they do me no good! I thought of one of my recent blog posts and realised I needed to give myself some TLC.

So I set my alarm nice and early and got up with an aim to actively improve my mood. I worked out, I stretched, I made myself a really healthy breakfast and packed lunch, I meditated, I tidied my room. Just ten minutes into the work out and I already felt better. Now, having had my lovely lunch, I feel back to normal! 

In a way, I'm glad yesterday happened. It was a gentle reminder that I am in charge of my own well being. Happiness is hard work. It doesn't come easily. You have to chip away at it every day. But when the results are so rewarding, it doesn't feel like hard work any more. It just feels right. Getting up early for a work out doesn't feel like a chore, because I know it will make me feel good for the rest of the day. Meditating is such a part of my routine now that I feel really unfocussed and out of sorts without it. Strangely enough, the days in which I don't put in the effort and just laze around actually feel like much harder work, because trying to be in a good mood without any of my mood boosters in nigh on impossible! Time drags, each moment feels like an effort to live through. And then the procrastination spiral begins: distracting myself from my own bad mood.

I think one of the reasons this happened yesterday is because I had a day off. Usually I have a schedule. Let's say I have uni, I will make sure I set my alarm so that I can get a work out and a mediation session in before I go in. If I don't do it in the morning I won't do it at all, so I make sure I get it done. Yesterday I didn't need to set an alarm, and there was nowhere I needed to be, so those usual morning tasks got pushed back and then forgotten completely. On a day when could have achieved so much with all my spare time, I actually achieved very little. It's funny, I am so much more productive when I have less time on my hands!

So what can I learn from this? For some people, a lazy day in front of the TV with a pizza and a tub of iced cream is exactly what they need once in a while. But I know that that doesn't work for me. I need a bit of a routine, I need a schedule, I need tasks and goals. I like being busy. It makes me feel good. Most of the time Uni keeps me busy but sometimes it doesn't. And then it's up to me. If I want to get that little 'yeah, life is great' feeling then I need to keep myself occupied. Make plans, make my own little schedules, set my own goals. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And my well being and happiness is my responsibility. It's up to me to make it happen. 

So from this point on, I am dedicated to putting in the hard work that is needed to make myself feel good every single day. Because if there's one thing I can draw from this entire challenge experience, it's that happiness is worth the hard work. 

Seven days left till the next adventure. 

Challenge Over. OR IS IT?

Yep. I’ve reached day thirty of the ‘exercise every day’ challenge. I feel fitter, stronger, more flexible and all around fantastic. Here is an obligatory photo of me looking a mixture of tired and proud after the thirtieth work out:  

(ok I may have taken a small breather to wipe the sweat off my face to stop me shining like the sun)

And now it’s day thirty so…. I can stop.

But why would I want to do that eh?

Habit formed. I love the effects of all this exercise far too much to give up now! Sure, it won’t be every day (can’t see myself going for a jog during boomtown festival) but I am gonna keep going with it as much as I can. And there you go, in just thirty days I have successfully adjusted my lifestyle to what I want it to be. Go me.

I’ve learned a lot about the importance of setting goals. I’ve tried getting exercise routines off the ground before but this time it was different – because there was a time frame. And I think the ‘thirty day challenge’ method is really good, because it isn’t too long but it’s long enough to really make you think about what you’re doing, and allow it to influence you permanently. So I think I need to put this lesson to good use, and keep setting myself goals to keep myself motivated. I haven’t quite figured those goals out yet, but I will. For now, I’m just going to….

Ironically swimming has not featured in my regime whatsoever!

And so now, it’s time to announce my new challenge.

So far there has been a lot of focus on my body, so I would like to now focus more on my mind. I love writing, but I simply don’t do enough of it. So my new challenge is to write SOMETHING every day – whether it’s a song, a poem, a scene, a short story. Anything. My aim is to get my creative juices flowing, and to be my own inspiration. I want to stop waiting for things to just come to me, and start digging around to find the potential in what’s already there.

So to mark the occasion I have bought a new, clean notebook, which I hope to fill with many wonderful musings. The good stuff I may even post on here!

Here’s to the next adventure, I hope it is as fulfilling as this one has been.

Ten random things to know if you're taking up regular exercise

I'm sure some of this stuff you have seen before - but if it helps for it to come from a very regular girl just trying to get fitter rather than a hot shot fitness expert then at least that's something. Here are some things I think are good to know if you are taking up regular exercise. And some Bridget Jones pictures just for good measure.

1. You can both push yourself AND know your limits.

It's a fine art, it really is. I would love to do 10k runs three to four times a week, but my dodgy joints mean I simply cannot. But that’s not to say that soon I won’t be able to do 10k twice a week! I just need to work up to that, slowly. It’s when you push yourself too hard that you end up giving up completely. I know this because I myself in the past have gone in to regimes full throttle, failed quickly, and then cried and ate ice cream.

This time is different. I have eased myself in –setting myself realistic goals, and then as soon as that goal is achieved I bump it up a notch, but only a little. Just a little bit further or faster, just one more set of reps. This feeling of moving forward is its own reward.

And if right now running for five minutes is your limit? That’s fine!! Never be ashamed of something like that – as long as you are working hard you will reap the benefits. Once upon a time I couldn't do a single push up – my limit was one. But I kept trying and now I can do about fifteen to twenty. That’s still not a lot, but it’s fifteen times more than I could do before, and I know that I am pushing myself as hard as I can and that’s all that matters.

2. Don’t make excuses - Push through the pain.

Unless you’re actually injured, pain is not an excuse to just not exercise at all. During week one my muscles were aching a lot – so each day I worked around that and found something I could do. Leg’s hurting? Let’s focus on abs today then. Abs now hurt? Ok, hard-core run then. And if EVERYTHING hurts – go for a gentle jog and do some stretches – it won’t kill you and will probably help ease you out a bit. Once you have pushed through the pain you will find you can suddenly perform a lot better than before. If you give up, that won’t happen.

3. You will never be so clean in your life.

Ok you might be very clean already, so maybe this would make little difference – but I was generally the person who just kind of let the shower water wash over me with a bit of soap and not much effort. Now, because I need to scrub the sweat out of my pores to avoid the dreaded back acne that most runners get, I have become a full on exfoliating machine in the shower! And of course I need to shower every day now, so my skin has never been so smooth and polished. It’s quite nice really, I can see why grooming appeals so much!

4. Your appetite will change.

Of course it will, you are giving your metabolism a massive kick up the arse. If you’re trying to lose a lot of weight then you gotta watch out for this, it’s all too easy to replace the fat you’ve worked so hard to burn. If not, I say go with your gut and top up those calories – just try and do it with good healthy foods and you can’t really go wrong (I think I’m pushing ten fruit/veg portions a day at the moment!)

5. Your body will change, but not necessarily the way you want it to.

I dream of perfect slim thighs that most trousers will just slide over. That is the ultimate fantasy for me. When I started this challenge I thought ‘I don’t need to lose any more from my torso, so my legs will start slimming down soon’ – nope. I have continued to shrink in the parts that I thought were pretty slim already, and my thighs have stubbornly remained. I am now a slightly smaller boobed, skinny armed, chunky thighed individual – which I did not hope for really. I am eating enough to maintain my weight, so maybe with some work my thighs will take a slightly better shape, but get smaller? Probably not gonna happen. But you know what? I’m ok with this, because….

6. More importantly your attitude to your body will change.

Once upon a time ‘diet and exercise’ was simply something I would do to get thin. I changed that when I gave up sugar – yes I did get slimmer but the amazing feeling I got from being sugar free was the real reward. The same applies here. Slimmer thighs? Pfffft. My legs are strong, they can take me places, they can run lovely long distances, they can sprint. They are perfect as they are. The stronger I get, the better I feel – and the way I look really does rank second. Also, the more you exercise, the more you realise your body IS YOU. You are not a separate entity from your body. So when you say ‘I hate my body’ you are really just saying ‘I hate me’ and that is not healthy. The more you nurture, care for and respect your body the more you will come to love it. It’s the only one you’ve got, so yes, love your body. LOVE IT LIKE THESE TWO LOVE EACH OTHER.

7. You will need to do a lot of clothes washing.

I am burning through pants and socks. Seriously. Because, you know, you don’t wanna put those back on... Just beware of this one because I nearly ran out and had to wear the back up pants (we all have them). I know it seems stupid, but it’s valid.

8. You really can make time for exercise.

I've made the ‘I don’t have time’ excuse so many times in my life – and yet I still managed to watch a fair amount of TV. Seriously. Just do it. And if you choose not to do it, be realistic and say ‘I just don’t feel like it today’ – don’t lie and say you don’t have time. Because I bet most of the time you do. One tip I would give is get it done first thing in the morning, and then it’s done. I know if I had planned evening work outs I would be forgoing them for spontaneous social events, so just do it in the morning and then you can’t back out. 

9. Stretching works!

No really! It does! It just works reeeeeeeeeally slowly. But honestly one day you can just suddenly do something you couldn’t do before and it’s like ‘when did this happen?’ and then it feels great. Just persevere with it.

10. You get out what you put in.

Sometimes I put on my Zumba dvds, I do the moves, I get a fairly good work out and then it’s done. Other times I really go for it, really trying on the extensions, adding power and attitude to the dance moves, and squeezing my muscles with all my might on the toning exercises, and I come out of the same work out dvd completely dripping. It feels good. I forgive myself for the days I don’t try all that hard, but I also aim to always put in 100% because I know I will get so much more from it that way. It’s more fun too. 

So, in short: exercise is good. Love yourself. And if all else fails watch Bridget Jones and have a really good giggle.

Ten days to go!

I think... I'm forming a new habit.

Oh my god IT'S HAPPENING

Exercise is becoming a part of my life

How do I know this?

Well:

1. Everything has stopped hurting - even though I am pushing myself harder as I go along, my body has stopped whining at me and is just putting up with it.

2. I am actually gaining flexibility and LOVING it. It's only been thirteen days so far but that's the longest I've ever managed to stretch every day - and it's starting to show! It's such a slow process but when you start to see changes it does get very exciting.

3. I have now, TWICE, managed to get up and zumba having had less than three hours sleep. If I can exercise in those conditions I can exercise any time.

4. I don't even consider not doing it. At first I had to convince myself. Now it's just becoming part of the routine.

5. The main benefit I have found thus far from regular exercise is it allows you to eat more without having to stress about it. That is a benefit I do not want to be without (as we all know, I love food!) so it's a good motivator.

So considering that this is how I feel and I'm only 43.33% (oh yes, let's get specific) through my challenge - I should hope that things will only get better! By the end of the challenge I should feel fitter, stronger, more flexible and will want to carry this new good habit on into my life. I shall feel like these two, and if you don't get this reference then please - do your research.

Seventeen more days and I will be there! Woopee!