My Final Challenge

Hello folks!

So I started this year of challenges in June and it is now May - so we know what that means! This challenge is my final challenge of the year. So let's make it a goodun. Technically I should have started this on friday - but the last few days have been a bit hectic and I wanted to get off to a good start, so I am starting tomorrow instead!

These are the challenges I have completed (or at least attempted) thus far:

Juggle every day
Give up refined sugar
Exercise every day
Write something creative every day
Meditate every day
Cut down on TV and Facebook every day

Write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days

Give up on gossiping, bitching, moaning and criticizing for thirty day.

Practice violin every day.

Spend only eighty pounds in thirty days

Read every day

Take a photos and keep a diary every day

(Technically that's my One Year Twelve Challenges done, as I did two the first month! But hey, let's stick one last one in there anyway.)

Looking back on everything I've done this year I feel a bit like this:

And now just one more to go! I really want to end the year with something special - go out with a bang.

A lot of these challenges were about creating habits. Some of which have stuck with me (now in my fifth month of not eating sugar!!) and some of which haven't (that pesky violin practice went as quickly as it came). I've learned a lot about myself and what kind of person I want to be through these challenges, and I want to make this last month a sort of mega-challenge. I want to combine some of my favorite challenges together, and try and start creating a routine that includes them all.

So here are the things I really want to include in this challenge:

Exercise
Meditation
Poetry writing
Violin practice
Juggling practice
Reading
Keeping a journal

(I would include not eating sugar in that list, but I've managed to keep that up anyway, so I wouldn't consider it a challenge any more.)

So these are all things that I really want to make a regular part of my lifestyle. If I've learned anything this year it is that I am at my happiest when I am being productive, and so I want to start pushing myself in all these areas. The tricky part has been trying to figure out how to fit it all in!

This challenge happens to be falling in my very last month of Drama School! What a perfect month to end my challenges on, just before I step out into the big wide world. I am hardly in for lectures any more, but I do have a pretty hefty project to be getting on with - my business plan. So even when I am not in for uni, I am pretty much considering my time from 9 - 5 my 'office hours' - where I dedicate my time to business plan, applying for jobs, and projects. So I need to find time for all of this challenge stuff in my mornings and evenings. Here is what I have in mind...

Exercise and Meditation

I know that I am at my best both physically and mentally when I make time for both of these things every day. Since both of these challenges I have kept them both up to a certain extent - but I want to go back to doing them both daily. Time wise, I think it would be reasonable to fit in half an hour of strength training and stretching, and half an hour of meditation every morning. I'd also like to fit in cardio a couple of times a week, perhaps when I can afford to start 'office hours' a little later in the day. Right now I'm avoiding running because I have very sore knees, but there's always zumba!

Poetry Writing, Violin Practice, Juggling and Reading

So essentially, these are my hobbies and skills. If I want to improve in my violin and juggling I need to practice regularly! And if I want to progress with my writing I need to push myself to write and read as often as possible. But what to do? I can't do them all every day. So I've decided to alternate between violin and juggling each night. It'll be the first thing I do when I get home from uni, practice for half an hour. As for writing and reading... well, I always have a book in my bag for whenever I'm in the bus or just have ten minutes to myself. That seems to work pretty well, it's aided me in reading a few more books since my reading challenge in march finished! I also take my poetry book everywhere, but that doesn't necessarily mean I write in it that often. So to aid me in writing a bit more, I just want to spend a few minutes each day, whether on my lunch break or maybe just before going to bed, jotting some ideas down. Then, over the weekend I must turn one of my ideas into a fully formed poem. A poem a week sounds reasonable I think!

Keeping a Journal

I wanted to include this because I want to use it to keep myself going. This is potentially my hardest challenge yet. It's going to be tricky to keep track of everything and keep motivated! But I think if I organise my thoughts every evening, even if its as simple as writing down my tasks for the next day, I think it could be a real help to me.

Some other thoughts...

I'll sort of be going back to my challenge of avoiding TV so that I can fit all this in. I'm definitely cool with that! As I whole I definitely watch less TV now than I did before, and I really don't miss it! That being said, you should always make time for some good films and documentaries, so I'm gonna give myself Friday and Saturday evenings for some good viewing time. I think by restricting myself I will choose what I watch a bit more wisely! And of course, bringing in some more challenges, I would like to continue to monitor my bitching and moaning, and to limit my spending. But I don't think I'm going to set any solid rules on that - just try and keep it in mind every day.

So there we have it! Those are my rules and guidelines for my Ultra-Super-Duper-Awesome-Mega-Challenge (the official title). It's a big one. I'm essentially trying to throw myself into being the busiest and most productive (and therefore, I think, best and happiest) version of myself. I'm trying to see if I could maintain all these habits properly, and build a lifestyle wildly different to the one I started with this time last year. It's a bit scary to be honest, but in a good way!

Now I'm under no illusion that I will manage to keep this up every day. If a trip to the cinema or a dinner with friends stops me from getting everything done, then so be it. This challenge is not about ticking every day off, it's about carving a realistic lifestyle for myself, and that includes random changes of plan! That's why this is probably going to be the hardest challenge for me to keep track of, but I have faith that if I really commit myself I'll do it. Most of all, I just hope that this challenge turns out as well as I want it to, and gives me that 'I'm so happy to be moving forward' buzz I've had from so many of my other challenges. There's a lot riding on this one! I'm excited.

Here is hoping for a fantastic month to end a truly fantastic year.

30 days left....

Reading Vs Watching T.V (and other news)

Good morning my lovelies!

I'm feeling particularly chipper today and I'm going to put it down to the breakfast I just had. I seriously recommend it!! Grate a small apple and half a beetroot into a saucepan and cook up with a smidgen of butter. Then add a sliced banana and stir a little. Mix in five tablespoons of oats and a heaped teaspoon of cocoa powder. Add sufficient milk/milk substitute and leave to bubble. Top with flaked almonds. You will have a deliciously dark purple porridge that will fill you to the brim and make you feel fantastic. Just like this.

You KNOW she had a good breakfast.

Anyway, back to the vocabulary challenge :) I have been doing my half an hour stint on vocabulary.com daily (although sometimes I only manage twenty minutes - it can be rather grueling) and I think it's helpful. It's made me start to look at how words are constructed, which means I can now start to work out what a word means when I've never heard it before. Nailing down the words is mostly a process of repetition, and aside from some website issues (quite a few of the multiple choice questions don't really have a correct answer, more like a synonym than a definition) I think it works pretty well. It's reignited my interest in language and words which is always nice.

The 'word of the day' story I am not so happy with. I thought giving myself a whole paragraph per word would make it more challenging, but actually it's making it easier for me to skate around to make sense of the wacky words I am using - resulting in something much less fun than I intended. So I have decided to back peddle a bit and do one line per word - which should mean I end up with a fun, nonsensical very short story/poem that is a bit less contrived. So I need to go back and do that for the eight words I have so far, and then from today I shall stick with that plan.

The reading element of my challenge is FANTASTIC! Reading is one of my favorite things to do, but often at the end of the day it seems so much easier to just switch on the telly. But as I learned from October's Challenge of Cutting Down TV and Facebook, watching T.V can drain so much time, when you could have been achieving things! And too much sitting around and staring at the screen can make you feel A Bit Shitty.

Now I am a great lover of good T.V and Cinema, but it's all about finding that balance, and sometimes I think you have to give yourself a little push and say 'no, I'm gonna read instead.' A lot of the time it just feels like you don't want to put in the extra effort that reading requires. But in fact, once you get going, it's really not that hard! It's like running - the hardest part is putting on your shoes and getting out of the door. Motivation is key.

Unfortunately, since October, I have fallen easily into watching T.V again. But this challenge, forcing me to read, has reminded me that ultimately I would like to end up spending more of my 'down time' reading than watching T.V. Why? Because it's simply better for your brain. It's actually more relaxing. It might not seem like it at first: but here is why.

The phrase 'T.V rots your brain' might seem like a parental trick to get us moving - akin to 'eating your crusts gives you curly hair' (My sister always ate her crusts and I didn't for a long time. My hair is curly and hers is straight. MYTH BUSTED) but actually it's a pretty accurate description. When you watch T.V you are allowing your brain to make almost no effort. You're kind of vegetating. And the brain is sort of like a muscle in that it needs to be put to good use to develop further. So any form of vegetating should really be kept to a minimum.

But we all need a rest now and again, right? The problem is, watching T.V isn't really rest. When you sleep, your brain is getting proper rest and time to recuperate. But when you watch T.V, your brain might not be doing much work but it IS being stimulated. The flashing colours and lights are creating a little chemical party in your head. If you watch too much T.V, you get used to the lightening fast stimulation, and you adjust yourself to it, resulting in a shorter attention span overall.

I myself experienced this yesterday. I had a really productive morning, and then I watched some T.V over lunch and suddenly my focus was all over the place. Not good.

The most significant thing T.V does to your brain chemically is it suppresses your Melatonin. Melatonin is basically a hormone that helps you to sleep. Any kind of light suppresses it. That's why it's so much easier to wake up in the summer when the sun is out. It means that we as humans are diurnal animals - we sleep in the dark and are active in the day. But studies have shown that blue light - light from laptop screens, phones and other electronics, is even more effective at suppressing Melatonin, which makes it harder to sleep in the hours after you've been exposed to it. This is not good news for people who's evening routine involves a lot of T.V - their version of 'rest' is actually having a negative impact on their real rest.

Most of us will be effected by this because the last thing we do is set our alarms on our phones. I've been told a good method is to plan what time you're going to bed, and an hour before set  your alarm so it's done, and turn off all your electrics. It's supposed to really improve your quality of sleep. I can believe this actually, some of the best sleeps of my life have been when I've been camping and have had no electronics around. Worth a try, I reckon.

Anyway, that's the downside of T.V. Now for the benefits of books.

Books stimulate your mind in a different way, You are gently working your brain when you read, but only mildly, like a nice stroll in the park. This means you can both relax and strengthen your brain at the same time. And you're getting much the same entertainment value (if not more) as when you watch T.V. There is no story told on film that hasn't also been written down in some way. And with books, you need to use your imagination a little bit too.

So it seems that if you replaced all your T.V time with reading time, you would still have had some entertainment and escapism, AND you would also have a better exercised and therefore better functioning brain, better quality sleep, a wider vocabulary, and a strengthened imagination. Reading really is coming out on top here.

HOWEVER. I am not for a minute suggesting that anyone forgoes all T.V and Film and replaces it all with books. Like I say, it's all about balance. There are some things books can not do. If, like me, you love a visual story with good direction, script writing, cinematography, maybe some animation and some cracking acting, then you need to watch some T.V and Film.

But perhaps that should be a checklist. Quality control. Twin Peaks (my current favourite show) certainly ticks some of those boxes. Eastenders? Not so much. But maybe it does for some people. Each to their own.

My point is, if you are going to put up with all the negative effects of T.V, then you should at least make sure that what your watching is worth it. If not, and all you want is a bit of relaxing entertainment. Then pick up that book. You're much better off.

Because basically, books are ace.

Twenty more days!

Why I Will Never Stop Trying To Better Myself

Hello!

My sincere apologies for not blogging much lately. I have had a much needed holiday in Portugal with my lovely family. It was really great to have a complete change of environment and people to test this challenge out on. I wasn’t really sure how it had gone, until yesterday. I was on the sofa having a cuddle with my mum and she turned to me and said ‘You’ve been really lovely this Christmas.’ And it was then I knew I’d done what I’d set out to do.

Here’s a bit of context: Whilst I get on enormously well with my family, I do also have a bit of a temper, and I tend to get into arguments with my mum very easily. Nine times out of ten I am completely in the wrong. Nine times out of ten it’s just me taking my mood out on her. Sometimes I can be really unreasonable and it can create a really sour atmosphere for all present. When you throw stuff like packing, travelling, and airports in it can be a recipe for disaster. In general, when my mum gets stressed I get grumpy, which makes her more stressed and me more grumpy. It’s a vicious cycle.

This holiday, it was virtually argument free. There were a couple of times when I snapped unreasonably, and I was called out on it. In the past I would have just had a sulk and walked off. This time I was very quick to apologise. There were also many occasions where I could have snapped, but I took a pause to say to myself ‘is this really worth getting annoyed over?’ And I simply moved past it.

It was really great.

I also made more effort to be actively nice to people. I sent out some Christmas messages to a load of my friends, I tried to pay more compliments to my family (something I now wish I had done more of – I can tell my mum really appreciated it!) and I tried to be a good house guest to my Aunt and Uncle. I found that doing nice things can be quite addictive really, especially when you get good responses!

Now I was in no means perfectly behaved. I don’t think I’ve managed to go a single day this month without doing one of the things I was supposed to not be doing. I also look back and wish I had taken more opportunities to be actively nice. However, I think I have achieved what I set out to achieve – I am changing for the better.

Really, that’s what this entire challenge project has been about.

And here are some thoughts on…

Why I will Never Stop Trying to Better Myself

It is so easy to brush off your own behaviour with phrases like this:

‘That’s just me’  ‘You do you and I’ll do me’ ‘I am who I am’

Or phrases like ‘That’s not how I do things’ are used to get out of doing something you probably should have done.

While it’s really important to be true to yourself, I find a lot of the above phrases are not too far away from one of the phrases I most detest in the world:

‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.’

All my hatred for this phrase is pretty much summed up in this fantastic article titled If I Can't Accept You at Your Worst, Then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible.

Because the thing is, while some things about your identity may be fixed and not in your control (sexuality for example) for the most part you get to choose who you are.

I had a conversation with a friend once that involved him using ‘I’m just not as organised as you’ as an excuse for some pretty lazy behaviour. Another way of phrasing it could be ‘I’m just a lazy person.’

Now I could be wrong here, but this is what I believe about personality: Only a part of it is genetic. Most of it is to do with environment and social conditioning. And you know what, it can be hard to change that conditioning, but I really believe it is completely doable. I didn’t come out of the womb an organised individual. Somewhere along the line, I made the choice to be organised. Or rather, I made a series of choices that lead to me becoming an organised person.

And really, I think that’s the trick to it. Small decisions. It could seem a little daunting to turn around and say to yourself ‘I am going to be a more organised person.’ But it’s quite reasonable to turn to yourself and say ‘I am going to get up half an hour earlier every day’ ‘I am going to make my lunch for the next day every evening.’ ‘I am going to do my homework as soon as I get home today.’ Put all these little choices into action, and hey presto, you have become an organised person.

I’m not trying to say it’s easy. I know it’s not. It’s hard. But what I am saying is it is your choice. It is your decision. No matter what has happened in your life to make you the way you are – the way you go forward from this point is still your choice.

Having this realisation has been really empowering to me.

Every time I was rude, aggressive, or patronising in the past, that was my choice. I’d like to think most of the time I didn’t mean to hurt people, but still, it was my choice to take that risk. And it’s my choice now to stop. And yeah, accepting that responsibility: that feels powerful.

The truth is I will never be perfect. I will make mistakes. I will no doubt be rude, aggressive and patronising again in the future. But I really hope that I will never again brush off that kind of behaviour as ‘just a part of me.’ Because I now realise that for the most part I choose what is and isn’t a part of me. I hope in the future that I will be able to own my mistakes, apologise for them, forgive myself, and then work towards making sure they don’t happen again. While I will never be perfect, I will always aim for perfection. I will always aim for better. I will always have that ‘shoot for the moon and you might land among the stars’ mentality. Because…. Well because, why on earth not?

So, in a way, I will never be truly content with who I am. I will always be striving for more. But that very part of my nature, that desire to always be moving forward in positive ways, that choice that I have made makes me proud of who I choose to be. It makes me happy. It really does.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is this: If (like me) you have something about your personality that you don’t like, or you see traits in others that you wished you had in you – go for it. Make those choices. Make those changes. Empower yourself. It might be hard, but I promise it is worth it. 

Stage One: Hyper Awareness

Hello!

Week one of this challenge is almost over, and it's been a tough one! I've been trying to cut down on all of those nasty habits I spoke about: blaming, interrupting, whining, bitching, moaning, gossiping, controlling, criticising, judging, and preaching.

Now of course, I haven't been able to go completely cold turkey. Giving up sugar was hard, but controllable. Changing your habits in the way you think and speak and behave is completely different. I'm essentially trying to cut down on something that is part of my current personality. I believe that it's doable, but it works differently from cutting down on something external. I think it goes in stages, and the first stage is awareness.

I've heard the phrase 'awareness is half the battle' quite a lot before, and I like to think that's true. I may not have been able to cut this stuff out immediately, but I feel very aware of when I am doing it, and therefore I am certainly doing it less, and also am able to admit when I have slipped up. 

Now part of the challenge this week has been my environment. I am currently in a show, and so am spending a lot of time in a dressing room with the other girls. It's a very high stress environment and so bitching, moaning and gossiping is kind of a given. And when reflecting on it this week, I don't think that's entirely a bad thing. When things go wrong, it's good to have a network of friends you can go to to have a good rant. And it's nice to be able to share stories with people. What I found interesting this week was defining the difference between getting things off your chest and using each other for support, and then being needlessly negative or mean.

Some examples: My friend and I were swapping stories about ex boyfriends, and obviously not all these stories painted our exes in the best light. And I thought to myself, 'am I breaking my own rules? Is this bitching and gossiping?' Eventually I came to the conclusion that it wasn't. I think bitching and gossiping only really applies when you're talking about people who currently feature in both of your lives, and you do it with an intent to mock/shame/belittle said person in the eyes of the person you are talking to. But sharing stories about people from your past is different. You're really talking more about yourself, and something you have been through. There's no 'shit stirring' element to it.

Later on, when we were talking about the behavior of someone we all know, I thought 'this is bitching and gossiping', because we were fueling and encouraging each other's dislike for the individual in question. I don't think we were wrong in the way we felt, but it made me think, should we waste our time talking about this person? It was only making us feel angry. Sometimes I removed myself from these kind of conversations, other times I was not so honorable, but every time I was super aware of what I was doing. Again, I realized it's quite complicated and hard to draw the line. It's only natural to talk about the people in your lives. The main thing I was trying not to do was 'fuel the fire'. When people tell you some gossip, of course you are going to have a reaction and opinion, but then what I have often caught myself doing is adding fuel to the fire by offering more gossip on top, and that's when it can become a bit of a spiral. 

As well as being aware of myself and my own behavior, I am becoming increasingly aware of other people's too. I realized that again, interrupting is a bit of a grey area. Listening to my friends talk, I saw that interrupting and talking over each other is something we all do all the time. It's the way we naturally converse. Waiting for a proper gap was actually quite hard. And I realised that again it all depends on context. Interrupting each other in normal conversation is, well, very normal. But it's when you use interruption as a tool to silence or put down someone that it becomes a problem, and something I would like to avoid. In proper arguments and debates it's easy to get caught up in your passion, but it's important to really listen to what the other person is saying, even if you don't agree.

So I think I'm starting to get somewhere with this. What's important to acknowledge and remind myself of is that it's only my behavior that I am trying to change. If other people want to bitch and gossip and moan then that's absolutely fine. I will not judge them for it, partly because that's on my list of things not to do, but also because I am in no position to judge. I know that those things do not make you a bad person, and I know they only come from a place of frustration and people need a place to vent that. And so I won't judge, and I certainly won't preach! All I want to do is ensure that I am not adding to any anger or negativity. I want my contribution to the environment to be a positive one, and if that means sometimes I have to just be silent and let things go by, then that's fine.

Twenty Four days to try and crack this thing. 

Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

Some Self Reflection

So I’ve been meditating for a month now. And of course, that has made me think a lot and reflect on life somewhat. I genuinely think some really positive changes have begun to take place.

No matter what is going on, no matter how stressed or upset or angry or tired I might be, I have found a way to start each day in a good head space. And it makes such a difference. I’ve been timing it well so that I get up, shower and eat and get ready, and then the last thing I do before I leave is meditate. Then I walk out of the door feeling great. Starting your day in a positive way is so important, and I feel like it really influences how I am going to deal with anything that happens that day. I can approach life with a smile, which is exactly how it should be.

Thought it had been a while since I used an adorable cat to make us all get squishy in our feels.

I worry less now, which is amazing. I am such a worrier it’s unbelievable, but I’ve started to let things go a lot easier and just focus on what’s really important. I think it’s because when I come out of a meditation session I feel so good that I can really evaluate my ‘problems’ and see that they are just blips, and that spending time worrying over them does nothing. Most of my worrying involves regret – ‘I should have done more work last night’ or ‘I shouldn’t have said that thing to that person’ – but I am really learning now to forgive myself any of these little hiccups, learn from it and move on. It sounds cheesy, but life really is too short for that stuff.

I have a new habit and I think it might be something to do with meditation. I am very tidy now. Like – everything has its proper place and I make my bed every single day kind of tidy. In the 22 years that I have been alive, this has never happened for more than three days in a row. Now it’s been thirty. Whuuuuut? When I moved back into my Birmingham house, obviously I unpacked everything to its proper place and made the room look nice – didn’t want to get off to a bad start! But usually what would happen is that during the week everything would get moved and not put back, my clothes would litter the floor and my bed would have no attention paid to it whatsoever. Then I discovered that after meditation, when I had worked so hard to clear my head, if I opened my eyes to clutter I would feel like this:

Which is not ideal. So I would immediately tidy it up. I realized that if my space is out of balance, I feel out of balance, and so I dedicate a teeny tiny part of my day, less than a minute, to making my room look tidy each morning. Which is much more efficient than letting it get messy and then spending half a day sorting it.

In fact, I think efficiency is the main thing I have gained from this experience. When I have a problem I don’t waste time worrying about it, I just fix it and move on. And by being willing to fix little problems and do little things every day, rather than letting my responsibilities build, I don’t have that moment when I feel like everything’s on top of me and I’m going to get crushed under the weight of it all. Everything just feels so much simpler and easier now.

Most of all, I have learned the importance of taking time for yourself, every day. We all claim not to have enough time for that, but often that simply isn’t true. The truth is we don’t prioritize ourselves. There are 24 hours in each day, and you probably spend about 16 of them awake. Surely within those 16 hours you can find half an hour for just yourself? I think if you want to be happy you need to treat yourself with the love and kindness you treat others with. And that means making time for just you, and no one else. Just half an hour a day. Since I have discovered meditation, I think that that is a great use of that half an hour. It works perfectly for me. But it could be something else: reading a book, practicing a skill, exercise, doing a puzzle. Just something that you love and that is good for you.

That last part is important, and why I personally wouldn’t count watching TV as valuable ‘me time’. It’s an indulgence I think everyone should enjoy from time to time, but ultimately it’s vegetation, and I don’t think you get as much out of it as you would with any of the other things I have mentioned.

Earlier I talked about efficiency. Well there is one area in which I think I am still very inefficient. I have an addiction, and that addiction is TV and facebook. And as I say, I don’t think spending time watching TV is very valuable. And scrolling mindlessly through facebook, getting caught up in silly quizzes and stuff definitely isn’t valuable. I don’t think it does much for my mental health. I as a person don’t like the idea of being addicted to anything, and so I wish to get rid of this addiction. And so that’s what my next challenge is gonna be all about, making the time in my life more valuable by cutting down on the things that eat my time and don’t do anything for me. More detail on that tomorrow.

In the meantime, yes I am going to keep meditating. Its doing me so much good, and I like to feel good! Again, I’m going to be cheesy here and sign off with an inspirational life quote (this is an Ellie original…)

Happiness is an art. It takes time, dedication and work. But what you get back from it is beautiful.

Have a lovely day everybody.

I think... I'm forming a new habit.

Oh my god IT'S HAPPENING

Exercise is becoming a part of my life

How do I know this?

Well:

1. Everything has stopped hurting - even though I am pushing myself harder as I go along, my body has stopped whining at me and is just putting up with it.

2. I am actually gaining flexibility and LOVING it. It's only been thirteen days so far but that's the longest I've ever managed to stretch every day - and it's starting to show! It's such a slow process but when you start to see changes it does get very exciting.

3. I have now, TWICE, managed to get up and zumba having had less than three hours sleep. If I can exercise in those conditions I can exercise any time.

4. I don't even consider not doing it. At first I had to convince myself. Now it's just becoming part of the routine.

5. The main benefit I have found thus far from regular exercise is it allows you to eat more without having to stress about it. That is a benefit I do not want to be without (as we all know, I love food!) so it's a good motivator.

So considering that this is how I feel and I'm only 43.33% (oh yes, let's get specific) through my challenge - I should hope that things will only get better! By the end of the challenge I should feel fitter, stronger, more flexible and will want to carry this new good habit on into my life. I shall feel like these two, and if you don't get this reference then please - do your research.

Seventeen more days and I will be there! Woopee!

Continuing the Journey

So I have reached Day Thirty.

For the past thirty days I have avoided eating anything that contains added sugar, and practiced juggling for at least half an hour.

How did I do?

Well, I had precisely three 'fail' days with the no sugar challenge (graduation ball dinner, the epic brownie, and the cast meal) and yet I don't think of myself as having failed the challenge at all. I think if I had the attitude of 'once you've broken the rules you've failed the challenge' I wouldn't have bothered to see it through till the end. It doesn't really matter what trip ups I have along the way, as long as the challenge has a positive outcome - which it has. I have been leading a much healthier lifestyle for the last month, I've lost weight, my skin has become super clear, my mood is fantastic and pretty darn consistent. I am a happier person for having done this challenge. So no, I don't see any failure here.

Similar situation with the juggling challenge. During my show week I had three days where I was simply too busy rehearsing and performing, so I didn't get my juggling time in. But I now have a new hobby which I love, and to be honest I will continue to practice it indefinitely! So skipping a few days here and there is not a problem. I can now say with confidence that I can do the 'cascade' (the basic juggling pattern) AND I am happy to announce that I am now moving on to juggling tricks and picking them up fairly well.

The whole point of these challenges is to bring positive changes to my life, and to not let the time just drift away. One month in, and I am healthier, happier and have a new skill! Achievement: unlocked.

So now these challenges are almost over: where do I go from here?

I have no doubt that I will keep juggling up, as I have become rather obsessive. The sugar thing is an interesting one. I have a little stash of chocolate and biscuits waiting for me, but I don't want to go straight back to binging! I shall try my best to spread them out. To be honest, the thing I'm most looking forward to is a bit of toast!

I also return to work at a chocolate themed attraction tomorrow, where I will be surrounded by temptation. It's going to be tough to not return to old habits. The truth is, I would love to keep cutting sugar out, just with a few exceptions. I don't want to worry about it when I go out for a meal, for example, because it cuts out most of the menu options. And I can't say I never want another pudding! But I do want to take this new, healthier lifestyle forward because the benefits of it are just outstanding. I think the best thing for me to do is try my best to keep this new habit up most of the time, and if it all spirals out of control I shall simply have to go cold turkey again! One thing I do know, this challenge has completely changed my attitude to food. I now know that biscuits, although delicious, won't really make me happy.

And of course, looking forward, I have had to think about what my next challenge will be. And I shall be announcing that tomorrow! Very exited to be adding more positive experiences to my life.

Here's to my final day of this challenge, and to forming new habits!