Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation

Of being both awake and asleep

Consciously dreaming

Achieving the feeling

Of stepping through the looking glass

Falling down the rabbit hole

Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife

Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 

Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express

Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste

And the sky is tangible

Wings of butterflies kissing your skin

And the floor loses its density 

And ripples ever so slightly

Your bones get heavy but your head feels light

And as you breathe in the air

Of a different dimension

Everything just becomes 

Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.

The many wonderful things that came out of failing NaNoWriMo

So, I failed NaNoWriMo. And at first I was really upset about it. But pretty soon I was able to put a positive spin on the whole situation (as per usual) and realised that a lot of good has come of it.

1. I wrote over 36000 words. I will always have that, and nobody can take that away from me. Some day, I will go back to those words and I will scoop out the good ones and put them to use. But for now I'm gonna let them sit where they are. 

2. I learned how hard it is to write a novel. Sure, my busy timetable is what made the task ultimately undo-able, but even if I had had nothing else on, I still would have found it very difficult. Having only written short pieces before now, I didn't realise how different attempting something long would be. I thought the only time I would need would be writing time, and I would just plough ahead. Actually, you need more than just 'writing time' when attempting something so big. You need reading and reviewing time. Even if you are not ready to edit, you still need to be continuously reading over your stuff so that you don't end up repeating yourself, and also to help you in where you are going next. You also need research time. There are several elements to my story that I needed to research before I could really write about them, and because I didn't have time I was just skipping over them.

So writing a novel takes a lot more than just being good with words. It takes a lot of time and dedication. Also, 50,000 words sounds like a lot, but ultimately it doesn't equate to a particularly lengthy novel. 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' is 76,944 words. And that's pretty short really. I'd say your average sized novel probably sits more at the 100,000 word mark. Gosh.

Writing a novel is something I always thought I would just wind up doing some day, and only now I am realising how much work I actually need to put in if I want that to happen. I think it's been an important lesson for me to learn, and I'm glad I have learned it!

3. I realised how important meditation is to me. I ended up not meditating because I didn't have time, and I missed it so much. I'm now back on it, and feeling amazing. Sometimes you need to go without something to realise how much it means to you. It's a small thing, but having that half an hour a day has become something I really don't want to go without.

4. I proved to myself that I am capable of pretty great things. Yes, I may have failed the challenge, but I achieved a hell of a lot in a short and extremely busy time and for that I am proud. I've tested my limits and seen that if I put my mind to something I can get a lot done.

5. I have started a fire within me. This wasn't the right time to do this, and it didn't work out how I had hoped, but I am not defeated. If anything, I am more determined. This will get ticked off my bucket list. I guarantee it. 

So yes,silver linings everywhere. It's also nice to be blogging again (didn't know I loved it as much as I do) so hopefully I will come up with something interesting to write about this weekend before the month is out.

Now I'm not usually in the habit of quoting politicians unless trying to point out how much I loathe them, but I think this sums things up nicely:

I have Officially Failed a Challenge

Yep, I am defeated. At over 36000 words, I had to call it a day on the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel in thirty days (also known as NaNoWriMo) 

The reasons for this are as long as a piece of string but I will attempt to keep it concise.

When I started, I knew this was going to be a tough month. I’m currently in rehearsals for two shows, one of which is ‘Rent’ (which, if you don’t know it, is a very intense and long musical) and therefore my spare time is pretty much nothing. So I was filling it almost entirely with writing. The first two weeks were fine, I managed to balance it out ok. But at the start of this week I realised that I was going to have to put a lot more time outside of rehearsals into the shows. My options were either to stop NaNoWriMo or essentially not sleep in order to get everything done.

Honestly, for a few days I tried the no sleep thing. And I looked a bit like this.

I was getting up an hour early and going to bed sometimes two hours late. But it was worth it to get that word count up, right?? Well, the thing is, when I’m tired the quality of my work, both writing and at uni, is not do good. So what’s the point?

The phrase ‘what’s the point’ started to come up a lot in my head.

The topic of my novel requires me to do quite a bit of research. I can’t do the research because I only just have enough time to do the writing bit and get my word count up. So I was skipping over sections because I really couldn’t write them.

At first, I had really enjoyed what I was writing. But the more pressure there was on me, the more I was just writing anything to get my word count up. The novel actually ended up going in a direction that I really didn’t want it to go in, but I didn’t have time to go back and review it and change it. So I was just writing something I didn’t really believe in.

Because of the pressure on my time, I had given up exercise and meditation. I wasn’t blogging any more. I was spending almost no time socialising. Even my lunch breaks became time to write. My life had lost the balance I’ve been working hard to create in the last five months.

Thus far, I had managed to not let my uni work suffer. However, the work load just got a lot more intense and I knew that if I want to keep up to the working standard I have always upheld at uni, I was going to need more time. There was no doubt in my mind that this challenge was going to have a negative impact on my degree if I continued with it, and I really am not going to allow that to happen.

The reason I was so determined to write this novel now, and not another month, is because I didn’t just want it to be ‘I’m writing a novel in 30 days.’ I wanted to actively take part in NaNoWriMo, so that I would be part of an online writing community, who were all facing the challenge together. But because I didn’t have time, I wasn’t using it at all. I went on the website about twice. So now, I really was just writing a novel in 30 days, there was no other element to it. I could have done it any month, and any month would have been better than this. 

All these things combined, really, what’s the point?

Of course there was a part of me who was very fiercely fighting against all this.

‘You haven’t failed a challenge yet.’

‘You know you can do this you just need to get through it’

‘A bad novel is better than no novel at all.’

But that side of me, ultimately, lost. I sat down at my keyboard and all the reasons as to why I shouldn’t be doing this anymore kept flooding into my brain and made me incapable of writing any more. I thought I could get past the lack of sleep, the lack of socialising, the lack of meditation and exercise and other things that I love. I really thought I could get past that just for ten more days. But there was one thing I couldn't get past.

Thus far, I had managed to not let my uni work suffer. However, the work load just got a lot more intense and I knew that if I want to keep up to the working standard I have always upheld at uni, I was going to need more time. There was no doubt in my mind that this challenge was going to have a negative impact on my degree if I continued with it, and I really was not going to allow that to happen.

The challenge had become a pretty bitter experience for me, and so I had to stop.

So I made the decision to give up on NaNoWriMo. I had a good old cry to myself (genuinely) but then spent the rest of the day feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And that’s how I know I made the right decision.

There are a lot of positives that have come out of the experience, and I’m gonna save them for a whole different blog post. For now I’m just happy to be sleeping again. 

I'm doing something ridiculous.

I'm writing a novel.

I have picked what is already one of the busiest months of the year to do it in, but I really really really wanted to do it. So I'm doing it.

It's already killing me.

And that's all I'm going to say on the matter because, frankly, I have some writing to do.

I promise I will write a real blog post on this challenge, but probably not until the weekend!

Wish me luck (I'll need it)

Twenty seven days of madness to go.

The Double Bind of Being a Woman

Hello :) Having a little break from challenges until Saturday, when National Novel Writing Month officially kicks off.

So for now I would like to blog about something very dear to my heart: Feminism. 

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend last night about the subtleties of sexism, and the importance of recognising them. It’s vital that we recognise that many instances of sexism are very subtle (check out the everyday sexism project if you don’t believe me) and it’s that very subtlety that makes it hard to fight.

We spoke a lot about the issue of cat calling. There are plenty of men out there who really believe that shouting out ‘sexy’ and ‘beautiful’ should be taken as a compliment. The words themselves are complimentary after all. But context is the important thing here. For one thing, when a stranger shouts ANYTHING at you in the street, it feels intimidating. Doesn’t matter what it is. For another thing, a man who shouts ‘beautiful’ at me and then thinks that I should smile and take it as a compliment MUST therefore think that his opinion of my appearance should be important to me. I should care what he thinks. I should be flattered, nay, honoured that he approves of the way I look.

When you put it like that it makes you think, doesn’t it? 

Now why is it that so many people (men and women) think that the male opinion of the female form is so important? Well, because we’re taught that it is. What does every Disney princess have in common? Beauty. And who is it that calls them beautiful (and generally decides their worth based on that fact)? The men. One of the only princesses who doesn't seem to care so much about beauty, and cares more about what is in the inside is Belle. But that's easy for her, isn't it? BECAUSE HER NAME LITERALLY MEANS BEAUTY.

Anyway... moving on... It's not just through Disney, but through all areas of the media that we are taught that beauty is a vital part of being a woman. And sometimes it is very subtle, and that makes it even more dangerous, because we don't even see it happening.

Speaking in very broad terms, here are some basic differences between men and women in our society today.

1. Women tend to have more clothes. For really posh events, plenty of men only have the one suit. Most women tend to have a lot of dresses, each of which will only be worn a few times.

2.Shoes. Shoes get their own category. Stereotypically, women have a LOT of shoes. And of course, there’s the high heel. High heels make your legs look effing excellent. They also hurt, a lot. But most of us wear them anyway because they look great. Men on the other hand, tend to wear shoes that won’t leave their calves aching and their toes blistered the next day. Even if they are shoe lovers and have twenty pairs, those shoes will usually be pretty comfy.

3.Women wear more make up. It’s very rare that you’ll see a man wearing make up in day to day life. And if they do it’s more often quite striking, bold lines and colours – making a statement. Whereas most women wear make up on a day to day basis – and mostly it’s not to make a statement or stand out, it’s to hide flaws and imperfections. Ironically, most of the time women are wearing make up to ‘get the natural look’. Hair products seem to be a little more evenly spread across the genders nowadays, but still, the average woman will own more hair products than the average man.

4. Dieting. This is a tricky one as it’s more psychological. I know men are pressured on their appearance too, and plenty of men I know are quite conscious of diet and exercise. But I also know it’s not the same. The ‘ideal’ for men (as presented in the media) is muscly, strong, healthy, powerful. In order to get that body, there is a lot of focus on exercise and nutrition. It’s not always about eating less, it’s about eating the right things. The ‘ideal’ for women, as presented in the media, is skinny. The athletic look is very popular too at the moment, but skinny still prevails. And for a lot of women, losing weight is something they are constantly trying to do. Health and strength is not the priority here, thinness is. And in order to get that skinny, a lot of women are prepared to do some pretty unhealthy things.

Again this is a tricky topic. I am aware that men suffer from eating disorders too. And it’s terrible. But it must be acknowledged that an estimated 75-85% of people suffering from eating disorders are female. That in a recent US study it was found that 80% of ten year old girls have been on a diet. And the number one wish for girls between 11 and 17 was to be thinner. When it comes to body image – men and women (in general) tread very different paths.

Most diet products/schemes are marketed to women. That kinda says enough doesn’t it.

5. Body hair. While many men choose to get rid of their body hair, it is considered completely normal for them to keep every single hair that Mother Nature gave them. No-one would bat an eyelid. But how many women do you know who have kept their armpit hair, leg hair and pubic hair? The societal norm is to axe all three. It’s fairly common to keep one, maybe even two. But all three? I’m struggling to recall any girl I know who does. (Isn’t it funny that by being the full version of the female form that you are, you are somehow considered less of a woman? ‘She’s got hairy legs like a man’… No. She’s got hairy legs like a woman. Women are hairy. I could say a lot on this subject but I'll just link you to this pretty good article instead)

Now. We did not come out of the womb with a natural desire for clothes, make up, and to shave our privates. These are societal norms which have been imposed upon us. In general, when a man goes on a night out he will make an effort to look good. However, comfort and wellbeing is not brushed aside for the sake of looking good. They usually manage to wear sensible shoes, warm clothes AND fit in with society's standards. For women, however, looking good takes priority over comfort and wellbeing. Most will put make up that is bad for their skin on their face, wear shoes that are bad for their legs, and clothes that will leave them far too cold at the end of the night. Because that's what we have to do if we want to look the way the world tells us we should look.

And where does this leave us? Well, it's very easy for men to then turn around and say 'look at these stupid women who spend hours dolling themselves up and stagger in shoes that they can barely walk in'. And yeah, when you think about it, it's silly for us to put ourselves through the pain and expense for the sake of looking beautiful. It's easy to look at that behaviour and label it as vain, ridiculous, superficial, silly.

But hang on a minute – this is what we have been told to do ALL OUR LIVES.

It's completely unfair that we are criticized for conforming to societal norms!

The media constantly points us in this direction. Magazines are constantly telling us that beauty is our priority. When a female member of the public gets interviewed, nine times out of ten she there will be questions about her diet and appearance. What does that teach us? That diet and appearance is one of the most important parts of being a woman. Nasty comments in newspapers about ‘frumpy’ female politicians teach us that what they look like is more important than their policies. The first question asked of Oscar nominated actresses on the red carpet is ‘who are you wearing’ – this teaches us that their dress is more important than their achievement.

Now of course – we KNOW that an actresses dress is not actually more important than her Oscar nomination. We know that a politician’s policies are more important than her appearance. We know it in our heads, but when this idea that the most important thing a woman can do is look good is subtly (and often not so subtly) transmitted to us nonstop – of course it has an effect! So we do as we are told, we buy the products and the clothes and we put on the make-up and then somehow we are penalised for it. So what can we do? Go the other way? Well, a woman in a suit with no make-up and all her body hair is gonna get penalised too. Either way, the focus is on her appearance. It is something we cannot escape from.

(most eloquent quote I ever posted)

It all starts at a young age, too. Here is a quote from a female character in a children’s TV show I saw last year – ‘I can’t be happy if I don’t look pretty at the party’ – I was desperately hoping they might teach her that she didn’t need to look pretty to be happy. No, they helped her find a costume and sent her on her happy pretty way. Being pretty is the most important thing a girl can do. This is what we are taught.

And when I say ‘we’ – I mean all of us. Men and women. We are all taught in thousands of very subtle ways that a woman’s most important job is to look good. So that’s why men think that it’s ok to cat call – because they are congratulating the woman on fulfilling her duty. It’s a woman’s job to look good and a man’s job to tell them so. 

But women don’t go out looking good because they want men’s approval. It goes deeper than that. Women go out looking good because they are made to feel like they have no other choice. We all want to fit in, and in today's society it’s the norm for a woman to look flawless. So we do it to fit in and get by. But when a man catcalls a woman, he reinforces the idea that his opinion of her appearance is important. And to expect a woman to smile and take the ‘compliment’ is expecting them to accept that this is the way things are supposed to be. Just lie down and take it.

The most infuriating cat call (in my opinion) is 'Smile! You look pretty when you smile.' What, so I'm supposed to contort my face in a way that it doesn't naturally sit so that you have something nice to look at? I'm supposed to just walk around smiling all the time so that I look pretty for you? 

The hardest thing is, by doing what is deemed the most socially acceptable thing, and putting on make up to make ourselves look flawless, we are ourselves giving in to and validating the idea that looking good is an essential part of being a woman. In trying to fit in, we do ourselves no favours. But sometimes that feels preferable to standing out.

So it seems either we do the things that society tells us to do, and risk being labelled as silly and superficial. Or we go against the grain, and risk being ridiculed, judged, and (perhaps the worst of all) disregarded/ignored.

To be specific, I know that if I do shave my legs I am validating the idea that smooth legs somehow brings more value to me as a person, and also perpetrating the stereotype of the vain woman. If I don't, I risk being judged and labeled as 'manly' just for letting my body be it's natural self. 

You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

In a nutshell: If a man conforms to society's idea of beauty, he generally won't be criticized for it. If a woman conforms to society's idea of beauty, she will often still fall under criticism. 

And that’s why being a woman is hard.

Thanks for reading :) as a little note - I realize I have spoken in very broad terms, made a lot of generalizations and skirted over a few things. But hey, I can't cover all the grey areas of sexism! What's most important is that we recognize that this 'double bind' women are in is very real and hurts us all. Gender equality is an issue for all human beings. And the privileged among us have to fight just as hard as the less privileged. Then something can be done.

Love love love.

The Little Things

Well I am nearing the end of my challenge. And I have to say this one has not been very challenging.

It was never intended to be really.

The last month I've been a busy bee, and needed to be using my time more efficiently. I didn't want to give myself a challenge that used time, I needed one that would help me save it. So that is why I decided to cut down TV and Facebook. I knew it would help me to get a bit more focus, and it did. A very good friend of mine pointed out that with this challenge I already knew what I was going to get out of it, the lesson was pretty much learned before I even started. I just knew it was something I needed to do.

Nevertheless, I have still learned a few new things that have made this month valuable :)

1. I really do love 'Neighbours'. I had to see if I could go a month without it, and I can, so I'm happy with that, but I can't deny how much I have missed it. And it's safe to say I will be catching up on what I have missed! I'm sorry world, I love a really terrible Australian soap and that is never going to change. (For those of you who ever watched it, Karl and Susan are still there. They broke up and got back together, again. And have now been living on the street for twenty years!!)

TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES, PEOPLE!

2. That being said, having only a few 'treat' shows is a really great way of living. Since the Bake Off ended, Dr Who has been my only TV indulgence (movies aside) and I have looked forward to it all the more because of it. It feels like a proper treat to myself, and I feel like I earn it by not watching other crap. I just think when you have less of something you appreciate it so much more. So I'm gonna carry on limiting what I watch, because I think it's much better to only watch the things you love, and spend the rest of your time doing other things you love too.

3. I actually value Facebook more than I thought I did. Yes, I did write a rant about the perils of facebook but I have also learned to appreciate what it's actually good for. Facebook is a great communication tool, and it brings me closer to people who I never otherwise would keep in touch with. Also, when used wisely, it can become a great place to share ideas and discover new things. It's so useful in this busy era we live in to have a place where you can really organize your social life and also just enjoy each other. There's a lot of harmless fun to Facebook that I've been missing! Strangely, through using it a lot less, I have actually seen how good Facebook can be. It has a lot of merits as well as lot of issues. Like I say, you just have to use it wisely. So I will be becoming more Facebook active again very soon, but I shall be avoiding the dreaded facebook scroll which turns me into a zombie, because that is never good. I think a healthy middle ground can be found :)

4. Through the challenge itself, I have learned to appreciate that by making tiny adjustments to your life you can make a big difference. All I did was give up a few things I didn't really need, and it wasn't even difficult, but it has done me the world of good. I am getting a lot more done and my brain does just feel a bit healthier all round! So yes, the little things are important, and self awareness is the key. The more challenges I do, the more aware I am becoming of who I am as a person, and what I need (or don't need) in order to be happy. It's so so easy to let things slip and you need to be aware when you do so that you can pick yourself back up (see my last post on that one)

All in all, though it's been an easy challenge, it has really been as valuable as the others. It's another stepping stone being the person that I want to be. It's not over quite yet, but I think I have said all that needs to be said on the subject. Next month is National Novel Writing Month, and my challenge will be to write a 50,000 word Novel in thirty days. Not such an easy challenge!! So I will be updating you on that soon.

Whoever is reading this, hope you have a nice day and take a moment to appreciate the little things in life you can do for yourself that make you happy :)

The Hard Work of Happiness

Yesterday I went to bed feeling like utter shite.

I had had a pretty good day really, went out for a lovely meal with a friend and had a great time. Then I came back home and went into a downward spiral of eugh. I flopped like a sack of potatoes and ended up breaking my challenge rules and scrolling on facebook - which didn't help one bit. Before I went to bed I tried to do some writing and just couldn't focus at all. It was the first time I had felt so rubbish in a long time. 

So I thought to myself, why?

Over the last few months I have been learning little tricks to my own well being. Healthy eating, exercise, mediation, using time productively, juggling, keeping my space nice and tidy. Having spent most of the day eating crappy food and procrastinating, and now sitting in my bomb-site of a room, I realised what the problem was. I hadn't ticked anything off my 'Happy Ellie Check-list'. It was the first time in a long while I hadn't done any of it. In fact, I had actively ticked off some of the things on my 'Sad Ellie Check-list' - crappy food, mindless procrastination, messiness, laziness. All of these habits are so easy to slip into but they do me no good! I thought of one of my recent blog posts and realised I needed to give myself some TLC.

So I set my alarm nice and early and got up with an aim to actively improve my mood. I worked out, I stretched, I made myself a really healthy breakfast and packed lunch, I meditated, I tidied my room. Just ten minutes into the work out and I already felt better. Now, having had my lovely lunch, I feel back to normal! 

In a way, I'm glad yesterday happened. It was a gentle reminder that I am in charge of my own well being. Happiness is hard work. It doesn't come easily. You have to chip away at it every day. But when the results are so rewarding, it doesn't feel like hard work any more. It just feels right. Getting up early for a work out doesn't feel like a chore, because I know it will make me feel good for the rest of the day. Meditating is such a part of my routine now that I feel really unfocussed and out of sorts without it. Strangely enough, the days in which I don't put in the effort and just laze around actually feel like much harder work, because trying to be in a good mood without any of my mood boosters in nigh on impossible! Time drags, each moment feels like an effort to live through. And then the procrastination spiral begins: distracting myself from my own bad mood.

I think one of the reasons this happened yesterday is because I had a day off. Usually I have a schedule. Let's say I have uni, I will make sure I set my alarm so that I can get a work out and a mediation session in before I go in. If I don't do it in the morning I won't do it at all, so I make sure I get it done. Yesterday I didn't need to set an alarm, and there was nowhere I needed to be, so those usual morning tasks got pushed back and then forgotten completely. On a day when could have achieved so much with all my spare time, I actually achieved very little. It's funny, I am so much more productive when I have less time on my hands!

So what can I learn from this? For some people, a lazy day in front of the TV with a pizza and a tub of iced cream is exactly what they need once in a while. But I know that that doesn't work for me. I need a bit of a routine, I need a schedule, I need tasks and goals. I like being busy. It makes me feel good. Most of the time Uni keeps me busy but sometimes it doesn't. And then it's up to me. If I want to get that little 'yeah, life is great' feeling then I need to keep myself occupied. Make plans, make my own little schedules, set my own goals. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And my well being and happiness is my responsibility. It's up to me to make it happen. 

So from this point on, I am dedicated to putting in the hard work that is needed to make myself feel good every single day. Because if there's one thing I can draw from this entire challenge experience, it's that happiness is worth the hard work. 

Seven days left till the next adventure.