Sunday, 30 November 2014

Six Months In!

It is now six months since I started my challenges! I’m halfway there! And so I thought a nice thing to do would be to go over my old blog posts and remind myself how I felt doing the challenges, and what they have all done for me.

Here is the main reason I started this thing:

“Recently I've been filled with a fear that I am simply not doing enough with my life. I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

So let’s go over each challenge and see if I got any closer to that goal.

June

I gave up sugar for thirty days. And this was the result:

“Since cutting out sugar I have had zero sluggish moods (unless I've been sleep deprived!) and I'm full of energy. I feel so much lighter on my feet, I'm more focused and active, my skin is clearer, I've lost weight without torturing myself, and I really don't miss the snacks as much as I thought I would. In short, I feel fantastic, inside and out.”

It was amazing. Since then, I have been eating a lot less sugar than I did before June. However, I think it’s been gradually increasing as time has passed. Reading my posts about it has reminded me how much better I feel when I have a zero tolerance attitude to sugar. Obviously it’s Christmas time now, which makes it a lot harder. But I think I need to stop using that as an excuse. Ultimately, I know I feel better without the sugar. So I think I need to start being stricter again.

In June I also juggled for at least half an hour every day for thirty days. I loved it so much. Learning a new skill was really rewarding. “This challenge is teaching me the value of sticking with tasks and feeling the sense of reward as you get better and better. It's giving me a lot of drive. I hope to apply this discovery to many other aspects of my life and acquire many more skills along the way.”

Since finishing the challenge, I kept it up for a while and even learned a few new tricks. However, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve juggled, which is a real shame because reading these posts I can see how much I loved it. I’m going to work on making it a priority again.

July

In July I exercised for thirty days, and I got so fit! Reading over my stuff, this post is definitely my favourite. Reading it has really inspired me to get back on it with my fitness regime. I actually did manage to keep it up for quite a while, but then, annoyingly, my November challenge was so time consuming it stopped me from doing it. So now I am feeling a bit sluggish and rubbish to be honest. But that in itself is something amazing. I never used to be very bothered about exercise it, and now I positively miss it. It really has become a habit. It will probably be a bit hard to get back in the swing of it, but I know from reading my posts that it will be worth it. I have never felt as good as I did in July – being fit and strong does wonders for your mental health too.

August

This was a great challenge – writing something every day. I actually found it extremely hard and a bit depressing at times, but at the end of it I had so much material that I was proud of. And I still today go back to that material and use it as inspiration for new stuff. Since August I have written quite a few poems and even performed them. The performances went down really well and I’ve found something that I really love! I haven’t been writing every day exactly, but I have kept it up. When reading my posts I came across these quotes:

“By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)”

 “to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has its rewards.”

“It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.”

Basically, over the course of the challenge I realised that if you want to be a writer you simply need to write. A lot of it will be bad, but it’s the only way you will really get something good out of it. It’s been good to remind myself of this, as recently I’ve been only writing when the mood really takes me. (It is worth noting, however, that I find myself in the mood to write a lot more often than I used to, and that is certainly a result of the challenge.)

Also, this:

 “Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.”        

I wrote this because some of the best writing I did was at Shambala, when I was listening to a lot of spoken word. I’ve started to realise how important it is to provide yourself with inspiration. Films, theatre, art, books. The more you soak your life with this stuff the more inspired you will be and the more creative you will get. Lately I’ve been thinking I need to read more, and reading that quote has spurred me on.

September

The challenge of meditating every day has no doubt been the most life changing for me. I still do it every day. The longest I have gone without it is a week, and I hated it. This is what I wrote at the time:

“I feel utterly euphoric. Happier than I’ve ever felt before. Colours are brighter, textures are richer, the air feels great in my lungs. I feel light and bouncy and carefree. Sound familiar? There are several different kinds of drugs that can recreate this feeling – but the difference is that this is a clean euphoria. No side effects, no come down, nothing bad in your system at all. It feels like you’re having your eyes opened for the first time. And it's impossible to have a bad day when you start it like that.”

Really, why would I ever give that up?

Even if I don’t reach that euphoric feeling (it only happens rarely, but I’m working on it) meditation still brings an amazing feeling of calm and balance to my life. In the most stressful of situations, I now know how to take my mind to a more peaceful place. It’s the best, and it makes me so happy.

A really nice way two of my challenges came together was a poem I wrote about meditation. It's pretty long, but here's a part of it.

Meditation is the sensation
Of being both awake and asleep
Consciously dreaming
Achieving the feeling
Of stepping through the looking glass
Falling down the rabbit hole
Cutting through the air with a very subtle knife
Crossing the burning rainbow bridge 
Or even jumping on the Hogwarts Express
Finding yourself caught in a place you can taste
And the sky is tangible
Wings of butterflies kissing your skin
And the floor loses its density 
And ripples ever so slightly
Your bones get heavy but your head feels light
And as you breathe in the air
Of a different dimension
Everything just becomes 
Quiet

October

This was another great challenge, as it made all my days seem so much longer. I dramatically cut down on T.V and facebook, and I did so much more stuff with my time.

Check this out:

“I have only completed three days of my challenge, and I am astonished. On Monday night I got home and made my dinner, checked my messages and then thought: now what? Well, I juggled, I did some work, I read a little and then I got an early night. The next morning I ended up getting to uni super early because I was ready so quickly. So I got some extra work done before my rehearsal. Then last night, because I had done so much work in the morning, I took the evening to socialize and catch up with my friends. All month I've been meaning to read some plays in search for acting material, now I've read three in three days. In fact, I have achieved more in the past three days than I do most weeks! I'm on top of everything. And now I’m sitting here, writing this, with a whole evening ahead of me.”

I’m glad I read this, because I’m disappointed to say that I slipped into old habits far too easily. Instead of all that reading I was doing, I’m watching Neighbours again. Also, I’ve gone back to scrolling on facebook like a zombie. WHY??? Well maybe because Facebook is a bit evil as I pointed out in this post. So I am going to have to go back to my rules, because life was genuinely better when I had less facebook and T.V.

This means I’m making the tough decision to break up with neighbours. (Anna, if you’re reading this I’m really sorry) But it’s definitely the right thing to do.

The best thing I got out of this challenge was that I had loads of blogging time. I definitely produced some of my best pieces in this month. If you haven’t read them, I would love for you to check them out. There's this one about how I’ve figured out the secrets to my own happiness. There’s a feminist piece that I’m pretty proud of. And then my personal favourite (and a favourite amongst my readers too) a short tutorial on how to love yourself.

I’m really proud of those pieces, and I realise now I only had time to write them because I made the time. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

November

In contrast to the month before, I’ve hardly blogged at all this month because I was so busy trying to write a novel! In the end, I didn’t manage it, but I’m happy with what I did achieve and I certainly will be trying again. The biggest thing I learned here is that nothing is worth compromising my happiness well-being for, not even my challenges!

So here we are, six months into the adventure. I have attempted seven challenges and completed six of them. I am fitter and healthier and much more aware of how to treat my body and how that links to my mental well-being. I have a new skill, juggling, something I never thought I would be able to do. I have discovered meditation, and it makes me so so happy. I have gone to so many new places with my writing and discovered that I have a love and passion for performance poetry (which is again something I never thought I would be able to pull off!) I have learned so much about what it takes to really make me happy, and I’m putting it into practice. I have written thirty blog posts and hit over 1500 views. I know for a fact (because they told me so) that some of my posts have really touched and even helped people. And, I very nearly wrote a novel.

I have made so many personal achievements in the last six months. More, I think, than I have achieved in years. But even now, I have to remind myself to keep up. Having read over my stuff, I now have some renewed goals: Start juggling again. Start exercising again. Stay away from sugar. Prioritise my time better and dedicate more of it to the arts.

So let’s have another look at what I set out to do.

“I want to experience more, I want to bring more into the conversations. Ultimately, I want to be a more interesting person.”

Yep, I think I’m definitely getting there.

Here’s to the next six months being as rich and rewarding as the first.


Wednesday, 26 November 2014

The many wonderful things that came out of failing NaNoWriMo

So, I failed NaNoWriMo. And at first I was really upset about it. But pretty soon I was able to put a positive spin on the whole situation (as per usual) and realised that a lot of good has come of it.

1. I wrote over 36000 words. I will always have that, and nobody can take that away from me. Some day, I will go back to those words and I will scoop out the good ones and put them to use. But for now I'm gonna let them sit where they are. 

2. I learned how hard it is to write a novel. Sure, my busy timetable is what made the task ultimately undo-able, but even if I had had nothing else on, I still would have found it very difficult. Having only written short pieces before now, I didn't realise how different attempting something long would be. I thought the only time I would need would be writing time, and I would just plough ahead. Actually, you need more than just 'writing time' when attempting something so big. You need reading and reviewing time. Even if you are not ready to edit, you still need to be continuously reading over your stuff so that you don't end up repeating yourself, and also to help you in where you are going next. You also need research time. There are several elements to my story that I needed to research before I could really write about them, and because I didn't have time I was just skipping over them.

So writing a novel takes a lot more than just being good with words. It takes a lot of time and dedication. Also, 50,000 words sounds like a lot, but ultimately it doesn't equate to a particularly lengthy novel. 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' is 76,944 words. And that's pretty short really. I'd say your average sized novel probably sits more at the 100,000 word mark. Gosh.

Writing a novel is something I always thought I would just wind up doing some day, and only now I am realising how much work I actually need to put in if I want that to happen. I think it's been an important lesson for me to learn, and I'm glad I have learned it!

3. I realised how important meditation is to me. I ended up not meditating because I didn't have time, and I missed it so much. I'm now back on it, and feeling amazing. Sometimes you need to go without something to realise how much it means to you. It's a small thing, but having that half an hour a day has become something I really don't want to go without.

4. I proved to myself that I am capable of pretty great things. Yes, I may have failed the challenge, but I achieved a hell of a lot in a short and extremely busy time and for that I am proud. I've tested my limits and seen that if I put my mind to something I can get a lot done.

5. I have started a fire within me. This wasn't the right time to do this, and it didn't work out how I had hoped, but I am not defeated. If anything, I am more determined. This will get ticked off my bucket list. I guarantee it. 

So yes,silver linings everywhere. It's also nice to be blogging again (didn't know I loved it as much as I do) so hopefully I will come up with something interesting to write about this weekend before the month is out.

Now I'm not usually in the habit of quoting politicians unless trying to point out how much I loathe them, but I think this sums things up nicely:


Thursday, 20 November 2014

I have Officially Failed a Challenge

Yep, I am defeated. At over 36000 words, I had to call it a day on the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel in thirty days (also known as NaNoWriMo) 

The reasons for this are as long as a piece of string but I will attempt to keep it concise.

When I started, I knew this was going to be a tough month. I’m currently in rehearsals for two shows, one of which is ‘Rent’ (which, if you don’t know it, is a very intense and long musical) and therefore my spare time is pretty much nothing. So I was filling it almost entirely with writing. The first two weeks were fine, I managed to balance it out ok. But at the start of this week I realised that I was going to have to put a lot more time outside of rehearsals into the shows. My options were either to stop NaNoWriMo or essentially not sleep in order to get everything done.

Honestly, for a few days I tried the no sleep thing. And I looked a bit like this.



I was getting up an hour early and going to bed sometimes two hours late. But it was worth it to get that word count up, right?? Well, the thing is, when I’m tired the quality of my work, both writing and at uni, is not do good. So what’s the point?

The phrase ‘what’s the point’ started to come up a lot in my head.

The topic of my novel requires me to do quite a bit of research. I can’t do the research because I only just have enough time to do the writing bit and get my word count up. So I was skipping over sections because I really couldn’t write them.

At first, I had really enjoyed what I was writing. But the more pressure there was on me, the more I was just writing anything to get my word count up. The novel actually ended up going in a direction that I really didn’t want it to go in, but I didn’t have time to go back and review it and change it. So I was just writing something I didn’t really believe in.

Because of the pressure on my time, I had given up exercise and meditation. I wasn’t blogging any more. I was spending almost no time socialising. Even my lunch breaks became time to write. My life had lost the balance I’ve been working hard to create in the last five months.

Thus far, I had managed to not let my uni work suffer. However, the work load just got a lot more intense and I knew that if I want to keep up to the working standard I have always upheld at uni, I was going to need more time. There was no doubt in my mind that this challenge was going to have a negative impact on my degree if I continued with it, and I really am not going to allow that to happen.

The reason I was so determined to write this novel now, and not another month, is because I didn’t just want it to be ‘I’m writing a novel in 30 days.’ I wanted to actively take part in NaNoWriMo, so that I would be part of an online writing community, who were all facing the challenge together. But because I didn’t have time, I wasn’t using it at all. I went on the website about twice. So now, I really was just writing a novel in 30 days, there was no other element to it. I could have done it any month, and any month would have been better than this. 

All these things combined, really, what’s the point?

Of course there was a part of me who was very fiercely fighting against all this.

‘You haven’t failed a challenge yet.’

‘You know you can do this you just need to get through it’

‘A bad novel is better than no novel at all.’

But that side of me, ultimately, lost. I sat down at my keyboard and all the reasons as to why I shouldn’t be doing this anymore kept flooding into my brain and made me incapable of writing any more. I thought I could get past the lack of sleep, the lack of socialising, the lack of meditation and exercise and other things that I love. I really thought I could get past that just for ten more days. But there was one thing I couldn't get past.

Thus far, I had managed to not let my uni work suffer. However, the work load just got a lot more intense and I knew that if I want to keep up to the working standard I have always upheld at uni, I was going to need more time. There was no doubt in my mind that this challenge was going to have a negative impact on my degree if I continued with it, and I really was not going to allow that to happen.

The challenge had become a pretty bitter experience for me, and so I had to stop.

So I made the decision to give up on NaNoWriMo. I had a good old cry to myself (genuinely) but then spent the rest of the day feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And that’s how I know I made the right decision.

There are a lot of positives that have come out of the experience, and I’m gonna save them for a whole different blog post. For now I’m just happy to be sleeping again. 


Monday, 3 November 2014

I'm doing something ridiculous.

I'm writing a novel.

I have picked what is already one of the busiest months of the year to do it in, but I really really really wanted to do it. So I'm doing it.

It's already killing me.

And that's all I'm going to say on the matter because, frankly, I have some writing to do.

I promise I will write a real blog post on this challenge, but probably not until the weekend!

Wish me luck (I'll need it)

Twenty seven days of madness to go.