Some Nuggets of my Writing

So today marks day thirty of the ‘write every day’ challenge’ – It’s been an interesting one, with a lot of ups and downs. It’s the challenge that I’ve ‘failed’ on the most so far, in the fact that there were five days over the month where I didn’t write at all. However, there’s no use dwelling on that. I have very nearly filled an entire notebook full of scribblings, and I am now, for the first time, reading them. When I come across a line/extract/passage I like – I shall write it down unedited on here and share the love. Here it goes…

Day One              

So I took a step into the terrifyingly unknown

And waved goodbye to the comfort of your embrace

And I found

I could breathe

And the air tastes sweet

(poem)

The most depressing thing

About birds held in captivity

Is that when the doors of the cage are opened

They still don’t fly away

(poem)

Day Three          

Just imagine where you’ll be

Tomorrow

When the world is moving almost at the speed of light

It’s a wonder sometimes

We don’t fall off into the night

(song)

Day Four              

I am paralyzed by darkness

(poem)

Day Six

How is it that we can blame the uneducated for their own lack of education

Call people lazy and make them responsible for their own motivation

‘You’re Scum’ because we failed to help you find a vocation

When did we become such a cannibalistic nation?

We feed off of each other’s misery

And regurgitate it into hatred

(spoken word)

Day Nine

I see that you have found the one

Who fits you so completely

That if you were to part

You would realise

You are not whole anymore

You both take and you give

And that exchange has been rooted

And has spread its roots

Into the hearts of those around you

(poem)

And that the footprints that you leave

In the memories of others

Tell a story as beautiful as you

(poem)

Thoughts that are like diamonds

Scatter through the wind

(poem)

Day Thirteen

Chemicals strip you down

To your bare bones

Your heart, stomach and head

Feel like stone

And acidity

Murky and sharp

You wade through the dark

You sleep, waiting for the light

To wake you up

(poem)

Into the woods we go, your hand in mine

And I feel so elated by your touch

That all my secrets spill and stain like wine

(poem – sonnet style)

Day Fourteen

When your head is full of dirt and grime it is hard to find the will power to wade through it all to find that one shiny penny you knew was there.

(passage)

Day Sixteen       

All of my problems are reduced to specks of dust

Which swirl into the tornado that is the human experience

(poem)

She who winds up the clock

Stops the ticking

(poem)

Looking out on this beautiful day, Enra felt something stir inside of her. It started in her chest, and shivered through her entire body before settling inbetween her shoulder blades. It ached slightly, in that satisfying way your muscles ache when you stretch them out in the morning. She wriggled her shoulders, but the sensation lingered. Something bubbled under her skin. She tried to look round but the tingling lay in the exact spot she could not see no matter how she twisted and turned. She felt the rippling again, something swelling, stretching the skin on her back. Pushing to get out.

(passage from a short story)

Day Seventeen

Even in the darkest day

When everything you are

Is consumed by the nothing

That clouds your beauty

I will be there

(poem)

Day Nineteen

As her eyes absorbed the twinkling of the stars, they began to shine with the smallest swelling of dew drop tears. A bright silver light shoots across the velvet sky and vanishes, leaving a glitter of hope lingering in her heart. She blows out the candle with a whisper; ‘I wish’

(passage from a short story)

Day Twenty

The oppressive sky did not open on Enra as she walked to school, but she wore the hood of her weather beaten old raincoat up anyway. She stared at her feet as she walked, taking some solace in the steady rhythm the clicking of her heels provided. Somehow, she felt surprised with every step she took that the ground was still beneath her feet. A part of her believed (or perhaps hoped) that she would suddenly slip through a crack and disappear

(passage from a short story)

Day Twenty Four

The roots from which we grow

Do not define us but they are still present

I would not be the person that I am today

Without my parents

And everything ever taught to me

By anyone, which is everyone

Because every word I ever heard

Has influenced the way I think

I am a product of my environment

And nothing more

For every thought I have

A seed was planted long before

And to change the way you think

Is to acknowledge your own conditioning

Which means opening your eyes

And really, really listening

(spoken word)

The crowd gathers and sways

The lovers embrace

And as the music swells through all of our hearts

Theirs beat as one

Somewhere far away from the rest of us

We are just the backdrop to their love

We are the decoration to support the declaration that they make

He takes her in his arms

And holds her like she is the only thing worth living for.

And the rest of us dance

(poem/spoken word)

I am happy here

Here where everything is soft around the edges

Where the textures are so rich and deep

I can sink my fingers right through like treacle

This land of no mirrors

Where you only see yourself

Reflected in the smiles of others

(poem/spoken word)

(side note – I performed the full version of this at shambala festival at an open mic and it went really well. Three strangers came up to me later at the festival and told me that they loved it. I nearly cried with joy.)

Day Twenty Five 

Secrets being spilled

They soak into our skin

And stain our blood with fire

We boil and bubble under the surface

Waiting

Grinding through the dirt

Filling our fingernails

Trying to carve new paths

(poem/spoken word)

Day Twenty Nine

I want to sleep in the trunk of a tree

And let the rain wash my face

And the ground toughen my feet

And the sun burn my skin

And the wind chill my bones

And the cold bite into my heart

And freeze it.

(poem)

Well. There we are. I’m actually quite surprised at how much of what I wrote I liked. There’s a few interesting points to be made.

1. I have not copied down a single complete piece. Everything I have written here today is an extract from something bigger. In some cases they are the only lines swimming in a sea of utter shite. In other cases, it is just my favourite bit of a perfectly acceptable piece. There are plenty of days where I wrote stuff but none of it was good enough to put on here. It goes to show it’s worth writing a lot of crap just to find a couple of good lines.

2. My environment massively effects how I write. Looking over this, all my very best stuff was written when I was outside. Writing in my cluttered miserable bedroom brought about no good. And also a lot of my favourites were written during Shambala festival – when I was watching a lot of spoken word and poetry. Surround yourself with art and it will bring out the artist in you.

3. If I had not done this challenge, none of this would have been written. Not a single word of it. By forcing myself into the habit of writing regularly, I have managed to produce some half decent material that simply would not have existed before. That makes it all completely worth it (even if I did go a little bit crazy and depressed sometimes)

So where do I go next? I want to keep writing, absolutely. I really feel like I began to improve and get a sense of style towards the end of the thirty days. I have some room in my notebook left. What I intend to do is take some of these extracts I have picked, completely isolated from the pieces from which they were extracted, and use them to create new material, hopefully better than the originals. Be my own inspiration. And then, well, I’ll start a new notebook!

I’m pretty happy with myself. Result.

The Eureka Moment

Yesterday, on day twenty, two thirds of the way through, something clicked. Having toyed with many ideas, one finally stuck and I couldn't stop writing. Over the last twenty days I’ve written a lot of little pieces, some good and some terrible, but ultimately I’ve been waiting for this moment. And I would say it’s been worth it. 

In my last blog post I was feeling pretty down about this challenge, like it wasn’t going anywhere, and now I’m finally getting some satisfaction. Also, despite the fact that I might not like everything I have written, I am well on the way to filling up my notebook already. To have a notebook full of my thoughts and ideas is an achievement in itself – something I’ve never had before. I’ve started so many notebooks in the past and never finished them!

This has all made me feel very positive about this challenge. It's taught me to keep going no matter how hard or grueling or pointless it feels. And I feel like the more I persevere the more I will get out of this. It’s better to write acres of rubbish to find one good idea, than to not write at all whilst waiting for that idea to come.

Who knows? Maybe one day I shall write a masterpiece, and then when I die these notebooks will be priceless. And then again, maybe not. But to spur on ones own creativity is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who is interested in writing should get in the habit of scribbling every day. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to be doing, but ultimately it has it's rewards. 

I still haven’t gone through my notebook properly, I have decided to save that for day thirty. I’m sure by then I will have forgotten about most of the things I have written. When I have read it all, I shall write a special blog post containing some bits that I think are worth seeing. Until then, I shall go forwards with my task and hope that those eureka moments keep coming! Nine more days so nine more chances. 

Am I actually any good at this writing thing?

Well it's been a while since I have blogged - mostly because life got in the way! But I'm back and have many many many thoughts to purge onto the internet.

So here is a description of 'the creative process' that I feel is pretty accurate.

I feel like I have been going through this on a daily basis, which can feel pretty tough actually. Especially the 'I am shit' bit. I never thought I would say this, but this is without a doubt my hardest challenge yet. I thought picking up pen and paper every day and giving it a good old scribble would be easy, but it's not. In fact there have been a few days (when I've been pretty low emotionally) where I have simply refused. In comparison with my other challenges, this is the one I am failing at the most.

I thought writing regularly would be inspiring, I thought I would be getting more and more ideas each day, but sometimes it feels like I have completely run my brain dry. Seriously - where did my imagination go? It used to be non stop.

Most of what I write is more like a diary entry than anything else. It's all about me. It's usually in some kind of poetic form, but it's basically just a reflection of what I'm feeling in that moment. I suppose a lot of poetry is just that - so maybe I am being too hard on myself, but I was really hoping for some more 'outside the box' thinking by now. I am over half way through the challenge and I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting from it....

That being said, I am yet to read over my work. I could be doing that right now. A big part of me is saying 'go on - read it. reeeeeead it' and yet I can't quite bring myself to do it yet. I don't know, perhaps I am scared of reading it all and thinking it's all terrible? Yes, I am definitely scared of that.

I have realized one pretty crucial thing. When somebody gives me a project or a specification, I can deliver. I KNOW I can write and that I'm good with words, I have faith in that, but I only seem to be at my best when working to someone else's specification. As soon as someone gives me a project it's all I can think about, and I really put my all into it. When it's just for me, I really struggle to come up with or commit to my own ideas.

The question is, should I try and push through that barrier or not? Is it possible? Am I just not as good at this as I thought I was?

Hmmmm. More angst filled 'why can't I do this' blogs to follow soon. Hopefully the tide will change in the next 13 days!