Am I... doing this right?

So here are some things I have learned about meditation

First of all, this is me:

It’s hard. Like. Really hard. Harder than you would think. People who know me know I am always thinking. My brain is always ticking away. I’m an over thinker. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing. For meditation it’s a bad thing. I find it so hard to quieten my brain. But sometimes… just sometimes… something happens and it all feels clear. And if I can figure out a way to get there more often, I am going to love this.

It’s not the same every time. Each day feels different. Sometimes I find it impossible to relax and other times I slip right into it. I’m starting to learn what the best times are for me to meditate. Morning is definitely the best for me. Unfortunately yesterday I didn't get round to it in the morning, and I tried in the evening. Because I had barely slept the night before, I was just too tired. At first I thought it was great – my mind was clearing easily. But then I kept slouching down and I realized I was really just falling asleep! So yeah, morning is best for me, as long as I've had a bit of time to wake up!

I've also tried a range of slightly different methods this week. Today was a bit of a breakthrough. I discovered that music helps me. Of course, not just your average pop music. Go on YouTube and type in ‘meditation music’ and a whole range of super relaxing, zen, gongs and wind chimes stuff comes up. And you know what, it really helps me. For some reason I find it so much easier to clear my mind when I have that music running in the background. I’m not sure exactly how it works but it does.

Now this is what I THINK is the feeling I've been aiming for. Sometimes, it’s like a wave hits my whole body, and I feel slightly on the edge of reality. My body is lighter. And my mind seems clear. Now when I say ‘clear’ – I don’t mean completely blank. It’s more like it’s completely unburdened by my thoughts and worries, and my imagination can just run free. It sort of feels like that moment just before you fall asleep, when you already start dreaming.

Is this meditation? I don’t know. It’s hard to figure out what’s ‘right’ in this kind of thing. But I like it, and I tend to feel pretty good after each session, so I’m going to keep going and see what happens!

More updates soon! Twenty days to go.